Mad King Zoisite
by monlette
Summary: Zoisite has survived Beryl's attack on him, and boy, is he angry with Kunzite! Even worse, he's decided to replace Beryl as reigning sovereign of the Dark Kingdom. Should Kunzite sleep on the couch...or an entirely different planet? For two different challenges.
1. Chapter 1

"Oh great ruler Queen Metalia, awaken."

The watery shadow flared into Beryl's sight like a lava lamp and addressed the tuxedo-clad young man lying comatose at Beryl's feet. "Endymion…how I missed you."

Beryl smiled at her words. Nobody missed Endymion more than Beryl did. With Metalia's blessing she intended to make up for lost time. In bed. "We never imagined that the former prince of the kingdom of Earth would be reincarnated in this era."

The shapeless mouth spoke again. "Heal Endymion with the power of darkness immediately."

"Yes, my Queen," Beryl said trying to conceal her overwhelming joy. She didn't add that that wasn't all she was going to do. She'd make him a creature of the Dark Kingdom and tamper with his mind. Fill it with false memories so that he'd be a newer Endymion. A better Endymion. A loving Endymion. An insatiable Endymion.

She could hardly wait to wake him with a kiss, but first she had to deal with the two numbskulls that brought him there.

-%-

Zoisite stood outside Beryl's chambers, gazing forlornly into his silver hand mirror. His precious little mouth looked sad as his fingers touched a fresh scar on his cheek. "I'm going to die with this ruined face."

Kunzite stroked his hair. "You're not going to die, Zoisite. And your face is not ruined. You've never looked more beautiful."

Zoisite looked up at him with big innocent eyes. "Then why did you order me to get revenge on Tuxedo Mask for what he did to my face?"

Kunzite felt himself overcome with rarely expressed emotions. "I-I Don't know why I said that."

Actually, he did know why he said it. He said it because he knew who was to blame for that. Kunzite. He had caused the accident out of sheer thoughtlessness. He had abandoned Zoisite at the precise moment when he was blind to Endymion's attack. All he had thought about at that moment was getting the crystals to Beryl so they would be rewarded. It simply never occurred to him Zoisite would be injured.

He'd wanted to apologize, but to accept the blame would be no different than admitting Zoisite didn't occupy Kunzite's every waking thought. To Zoisite, love meant obsession. A constant, neverending fawning obsession. Kunzite did his share of fawning over Zoisite, but anyone with eyes could see he was far more used to being the fawnee.

So rather than admit he wasn't as needy as the younger man, he deflected the blame away from himself. When he had told Zoisite to get revenge, he'd hoped to erase his role in the accident from Zoisite's mind.

He should have realized the high-strung youngster had never blamed him to begin with. That he would twist Kunzite's offhanded remark to mean "Kill the man who disfigured you to the point where you are no longer worthy of my love." He should have known. But it was too late to do anything.

The door was pulled open by the two guard youma to admit them to a private audience with Beryl. Zoisite gave his fringe one last fluff before tucking the silver handmirror into the front of his jacket. _He looks like a frightened little girl, _Kunzite noted sadly. Kunzite drew the smaller man into his arms and gave him a reassuring embrace, mindless of the youma who looked on without emotion.

"Don't worry, Zoisite. I'll protect you. I'll intervene on your behalf, even if she kills me for it."

Zoisite gave his lover a sad look and then sighed. "Oh, well. Let's get this over with."

-%-

"You awakened the princess and lost the silver crystal. That was a grave mistake, Kunzite."

Kunzite bowed his head. "Yes, I have no excuses. Fortunately the princess has just now awakened and does not have full control of the silver crystal. Please give me a little more time."

"Very well, I'll leave it to you." She looked up and eyed Zoisite with her beady red eyes. "By the way, Zoisite. I presume you are ready for the worst?"

Zoisite raised his hand. "Please give me another chance," he said with an impassioned voice, but the look of resignation never left his eyes.

"You disobeyed my order and tried to kill Tuxedo mask didn't you?"

"That's…because-"

An eerie glow surrounded the orb on Beryl's staff. Her hands caressed the orb and then they rose to strike. "Did you think you could fool me with your lies?"

Zoisite's mouth fell open in horror at his impending demise.

"I take responsibly for that," Kunzite said in a hurry as her talon flexed around the orb and she smiled a cruel smile. "Please wait."

"Kunzito-sama!" Zoisite screamed as he was blown back by the force of the blast.

Kunzite looked back, dreading, and yet already knowing what he would see. His lover lay in a unmoving heap, wisps of smoke rising from his crumpled gray uniform. It tore at Kunzites heartstrings to see it. For several moments Kunzite just stared, feeling as if half his soul had been ripped from his body.

He wanted to turn back time. To make it so that this moment had never happened. But it did happen. Zoisite trusted him and he'd led his little love right into the slaughterhouse. He couldn't even repent. He had to die with a soul as warped and as evil as Zoisite's if there was any hope for them to be reunited in the afterworld.

There was nothing left for him to do other than force his grieving heart to serve Beryl and Metalia long enough for a suicide-by-sailor-senshi. _Forgive me, Zoisite. _He said wordlessly._ I didn't deserve you. I never told you I how much you meant to me. How much I loved you._

He turned back to Beryl.

Where Beryl once sat, there was a Beryl-sized, Beryl-shaped pillar of charcoal behind her orb.

"B-Beryl," Kunzite said without comprehension.

"Beryl, Beryl, Beryl," a familiar voice echoed in a mocking tone.

A warm glow flooded through Kunzite's heart, but he couldn't smile. He was afraid to trust his crumbling mind. He spun and saw Zoisite staggering to pull himself upright. His green eyes, no longer frightened, narrowed in accusation.

Kunzite allowed himself to smile with joy, but his smile evaporated as he saw his lover's face distort into a snarl. "Yes, Kunzito-sama. By all means let's cry out for your precious QUEEN BERYL. And not your little concubine! Whom she just attempted to MURDER!"

"Zoisite," He'd never seen his little lotus blossom this angry before. He wanted to console him, to tell him the right things. Yet part of his mind was paralyzed with relief just knowing he was still alive and the rest was trying to puzzle out how Zoisite had survived a blast that had incinerated Queen Beryl with its backlash.

The answer came soon enough. Zoisite yowled in pain and crouched as he pulled the mangled and smoking mirror from his jacket and dropped it on the floor with a clatter. "Oh, please, don't bother to help me up. I'm fine. Just a few broken ribs as well as third degree burns over 15% of my body. But I'm sure I can heal myself with the bare smidgen of magical energy I have left before I burn myself out completely."

Before Kunzite could do anything a pink glow surrounded Zoisite and he drew himself up to his full height. "See? All burned out now. No more floating about in rose petals for at least a month, I'm afraid. I'm soooo glad you are here to protect me." His voice dropped to an oafish octave. "_I take responsibly for that-no. wait. Don't kill him-_ Arggh!" Zoisite ducked back dramatically and shielded his face with his hands. "_Oh well, too late_…" Zoisite stared daggers as Kunzite. "You call that intervening? It sounded more like groveling. It's a pity she didn't give you more time like you asked, because you could have dropped a note in her suggestion box. That would have really made a difference."

Kunzite seeped in fear, heartbreak, and self-loathing. "It all happened too quickly."

"Ha! And what is with this _Please give me another chance? _ME, you said. SINGULAR. As in not US! As in NOT ZOISITE!"

"I wanted to keep you safe. I couldn't risk almost losing you again," Kunzite muttered.

"Great idea!" Zoisite raised his hands to the heavens as he walked over Beryl's blackened corpse. "I could have sat on the couch with Beryl all day while we brushed each other's hair and talked about boys. She always did enjoy my company, especial when I was just sitting around not working my ass off for her. We would have had a grand time painting each other's toenails and trading cake recipes!"

"We didn't have to stay here," Kunzite said weakly. "We could have slipped off through a hole in time and space to somewhere where Beryl would never find us."

Zoisite snapped the blackened fingers from Beryl's staff. "You want to know the absolute best time to slip off through a hole on the universe to live in another time and place? It was BEFORE she killed me and not AFTERWARD!"

Zoisite seized the staff and leaned upon it like a walking stick.

"You're trembling."

"Of course, I'm trembling. In the past day alone I've been in about a half dozen fights, and that doesn't even count the fight we had to get me into the sailor costume. I've had my face torn open, I've been tied up and hanged by my wrists. I've been blasted to oblivion and back by a pair of hags. All for you! Not that you care. It will be a miracle if I'm ever able to fight again, but with this," Zoisite nodded at the staff, "I won't need to."

Then he turned and gave Kunzite a cruel smile over his shoulder. "Oh and by the way, you tinsel-haired freak, I think it's about time we started seeing other people. Frankly, I've been looking forward to my retirement from your relentless plowing. I know you've wanted to swing from the other side of the trapeze for the past few centuries. As of now, I'm more than happy to let you."

Kunzite's eyes welled with tears at these cruel words. Through sheer force of habit, he willed them into retreat. "You don't mean that. You can't mean that."

"I can't?" the boy's brows rose. "I'm sorry to inform you of this, but as of this moment, I can do whatever the hell I feel like doing." He lifted the scepter above his head. "The queen is dead. All hail King Zoisite."

Then he grinned at Kunzite and gave him a wink, "But if you promise to be nice, I'll let you be my lackey."


	2. Chapter 2

"So what are we going to do about sailor senshi?" Kunzite asked.

Zoisite arched one eyebrow "What about them?"

"They have the Silver Crystal."

"Well, I should hope so. They've certainly worked hard for it."

"Yes, but without the Silver Crystal we can't wake Queen Metalia."

Zoisite smiled. "You say that like it's a bad thing. Remind me why we want to wake Metalia?"

Kunzite searched his brain for an answer but nothing came to mind. He wanted to bring about the radiant darkness, but not as much as he wanted to carry Zoisite back to their chambers and ride him like a rented Harley. At the moment these two goals looked to be mutually exclusive.

"Yeah, that's what I thought," Zoisite said in response to his silence. "I wanted the crystal to impress you. You wanted the crystal to impress Beryl. The game has changed a bit, don't you think?"

"So you think we should no longer serve Metalia?"

"Screw Metalia. She can go back to sleep for all I care. In fact I think we could all do with some rest and relaxation."

He wandered over to a giant crystal stashed in the corner. Within it was a young blond man with his mouth open and one hand raised, frozen in midargument. Zoisite pondered the crystal with his hand on his elbow and his chin on his fist like it was a work of modern art. Then he hefted the scepter and swung it so that the crystal shattered.

The man imprisoned inside patted himself and then hugged Kunzite and then Zoisite, who winced in pain. "I'm free. I've been rescued from the eternal sleep. Does this mean Beryl is going to give me another chance to gather energy for her?"

Kunzite shook his head, "Not exactly."

"Yes, exactly, Jadeite," Zoisite nodded. "Queen Beryl has sent us to free you from the crystal and give you your new mission. But I warn you, you'd better not screw this one up. Or it's back in the crystal with you."

"Don't worry, I won't fail her again." Jadeite pulled back and saluted, then frowned as he looked over the younger man's burnt uniform and deathly pallor. "What happened to you, Zoisite? You look positively ragged."

Zoisite lowered his eyes and waved his hand. "It's nothing. Kunzite and I got into an argument and unfortunately it became violent."

Kunzite's jaw dropped, as did Jadeite's who turned on the taller man. "Shame on you, Kunzite! He's half your size!"

Zoisite chuckled and toyed with his hair. "Oh, don't blame him. It was entirely my fault. I shouldn't have nagged him about leaving his socks on the floor."

Jadeite gaped at Kunzite with disgust. "Oh, that is low, even for you! You're your own special brand of evil, you know that?"

"Funny, that's exactly what I was thinking" Kunzite muttered under his breath as he looked right at Zoisite.

Zoisite sniffed. "Can we get back to business now?"

Jadeite narrowed his eyes. "Wait a minute. If Beryl has a mission for me why isn't she here?"

Kunzite placed his hand on Zoisite's shoulder, only to have to swatted away."Our queen is too busy to waste time on the likes of you."

"Then why does Zoisite have her staff?"

"Beryl asked me to polish her scepter for her."

"Ha, I'll bet you're really good that that sort of thing." Jadeite laughed knowingly and gave the taller man a tap on the shoulder. "Am I right, Kunzite?"

Zoisite's eyes narrowed. "Would you like to go back in the crystal?" Jadeite stopped laughing and broke into a sweat. "No? Then please refrain from making comments like that within my hearing and let me give you your mission. It appears these humans expend a lot of energy on something called relaxation."

Jadeite raised his hand. "Um, Zoisite, I'm fairly sure that's impossible by its very definition."

"Are you questioning our great leader!" Zoisite shouted.

Jadeite loosened his collar.

"No? Then stop interrupting and let me give you your orders. I'll need you to scout out various venues of relaxation: spas, ice skating rinks, ski resorts, high society dinner and dance parties. Find the best of the best and bring back a full report so she can decide which ones you should harvest for energy."

"How does she define best-of-best?" Jadeite asked.

Zoisite toyed with his hair. "I don't know. The ones with the best looking men, I suppose. She wants them tall, handsome, and well-built." He jerked his thumb at Kunzite. "Kind of like this guy here, only not as heartless and opportunistic. These resorts don't have to cater to an all-male clientele, but that would certainly be a plus as far as Beryl is concerned."

Kunzite clenched his fist and tried to keep a lid on his temper.

Jadeite chuckled. "Ha, I know what she's up to. Unfortunately the men who go to these all male venues wouldn't be interested in someone like Beryl..."

Zoisite wore a cheeky smile. "You don't say."

"Ok, now you are starting to take this a little too far," Kunzite hissed at Zoisite.

"Oh, I'm just getting warmed up," Zoisite whispered back and gave him a pat on the arm.

"Is there anything else Beryl requires?" Jadeite said.

"Well, now that you mention it, she did say she could use a pint of peach gelato. And some chanela-fur bedroom slippers. And some tasteful silk pajamas. Size small. The good silk, not the kind that bleeds and turns to straw when you wash it in cold water."

"Beryl does not wear anything remotely close to a size small."

Zoisite twirled a golden lock of hair around his finger. "Would you like me to tell her you said that?"

"Um, No. I'm leaving," Jadeite said as he teleported out.

Zoisite walked to the door. "Well, that was fun. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to check out the master bedroom."

Kunzite grabbed him by the collar. "Wait, you can't go out there."

"And why not?"

"There are guards right outside the door, remember? They will take one look at you, that staff, and Beryl's charred remains, right before they summon a thousand youma to tear out our throats for assassinating her."

"She assassinated herself!"

"Try telling them that."

Zoisite flourished the scepter. "I'll just use my new staff and blast them all into oblivion."

"And risk alerting Metalia that her newest high commander doesn't have her best interests at heart?"

Zoisite bowed his head as he pondered this. "You do raise an interesting point."

Kunzite saw a chance to prove his love. He gripped Zoisite's head between his hands and before the younger man could protest, he summoned up dark magic. A pink glow surrounded Zoisite before Kunzite released him. "There. Now you can wander about the Dark Kingdom freely."

"What did you do?"

"I cast a guise upon you so anyone with allegiance to Metalia will be convinced you are actually Beryl."

Kunzite hoped this would be enough to soften the younger man's heart toward him, but instead Zoisite crossed his arms. "So when Jadeite looks at me, he will see Beryl looking back at him?"

"If his true loyalties lie with Metalia, then yes."

"So when you look at me, you see Beryl looking back at you?"

"No," Kunzite said but Zoisite's scowled deepened and Kunzite grasped the deeper meaning. "Oh. Dear god, no. I don't want that. Not at all."

"I don't believe you," Zoisite said and turned up his nose.

Kunzite traced his finger down the line of Zoisite's scar. "If I were looking at Beryl right now, would I be able to do this?" He hoped the gesture would prove his affections, but instead Zoisite slapped Kunzite across the face.

Kunzite clutched his stinging cheek. "What did you do that for?"

Zoisite's green eyes filled with tears. "You told me my scar wasn't noticeable!"

"I never said your scar wasn't noticeable. I just said you never looked better."

The sentries watched as Zoisite burst through the door and ran past them in sobs.

Kunzite sighed. Maybe winning back the love of the golden-haired youngster wasn't going to be as easy as he thought.


	3. Chapter 3

Zoisite made it to Beryl's bedchamber without incident. Kunzite must have been as good as his word. The few Youma he encountered bowed and muttered 'My Queen' with genuine terror in their eyes. If any of them saw the tears streaming down his face, they were wise enough not to mention it.

He entered Beryl's bedroom and stared in dismay at the black, red, and purple decor.

_It looks like a giant bruise in here_, he thought. He'd soon take care of that. He was already trying to think of a color scheme. White and blue, topaz and tiger, caramel, or earthtones? Or maybe something softer, like cream and lilac? He'd have plenty of time to decorate later. First he'd have to clean out the closets.

-%-

Kunzite sat on his bed. He'd cast a spell so that he'd hear Zoisite calling for him, and he waited for Zoisite to apologize. Not that he felt he was owed an apology, but he felt he'd get one anyway. His lover had never managed to stay angry for more than a few minutes.

Usually when Zoisite was in one of his moods, Kunzite could placate the younger man with gifts or compliments. In the rare event Zoisite lost his temper and ran off, he'd show up a few minutes later, smiling and rubbing up against Kunzite like a kitten and pretending as if nothing had happened. If Kunzite shunned him, he'd apologize for his bad behavior, burst into tears, and beg until Kunzite forgave him.

This time Kunzite decided he would shun him. He wanted Zoisite to suffer a little for hurting him with his groundless accusations. Only a little though. Not all of Zoisite's accusations were unfair. After all, he did nearly drag Zoisite into an early grave, but that hadn't been his fault. He knew Beryl was angry, but he didn't think she was angry enough to kill.

He expected her to administer a reprimand or a demotion. After all, Zoisite was her star performer. What little success Nephrite enjoyed was purely by accident, while Jadeite never succeeded at anything. At worst Kunzite expected her to condemn Zoisite to eternal sleep, allowing plenty of time to bargain for his freedom. He hadn't believed her stupid enough to try to execute her most successful minion over an exboyfriend she hadn't seen in over ten thousand years.

But she did, and Kunzite felt guilty. Like most people without a conscience, it morphed itself into anger. Anger at the person who was making him feel guilty.

-%-

Zoisite opened Beryl's armoire and gazed in disgust. He vowed never to return to the castle he shared with Kunzite, so he had nothing of his own, other than what he was wearing. The jacket was completely destroyed. He'd discarded it already. The trousers and long-sleeved undershirt were burnt to a crisp in spots but they were still functional. That was more than he could say for Beryl's wardrobe.

"Tacky, cheap, gross, tacky, vulgar," he glanced at each red, purple, or indigo low-cut monstrosity before tossing them into a large trash bin he had a youma conjure up for him. "Tacky, whorish, tacky, cheap…wait a minute. How did this get in here?"

He held up a lilac colored sundress with a flared skirt and ruched bodice. Unlike the others, it was made of soft cotton and was knee-length and completely tasteful. Like something a young lady might wear for tennis or a romantic picnic in the countryside. She'd gotten it from the human realm, it still had the tags on it. A gift from Nephrite, no doubt. Beryl would never choose anything this classy. It was no wonder it was in the back of the closet.

With Beryl's haggard face such a girlish outfit would look clownish, but it would probably go perfectly with his flowing gold hair and porcelain complexion. He held it in front of himself and looked in the mirror. Despite his feminine beauty, crossdressing really wasn't his thing. He did so only on special occasions, and only because it made it easier for him to go on romantic outings with Kunzite to the human realms. For most humans, seeing two males kiss passionately was worse than witnessing a murder. Not to mention that it made Kunzite crazy with lust when he got all dolled up in—

Zoisite frowned bitterly as he tossed the sundress into the bin with the others.

"Cheap, gross, vulgar, done."

He stared forlornly into the empty closet. It seemed so desolate. Just like his heart. He glared at the crumpled sundress. It called to him. Telling him not to make a mistake since he wouldn't stay angry at Kunzite forever.

Worse, he knew this to be true. In spite of everything, Zoisite never stopped loving him. Kunzite used him. He loved Beryl, actions spoke louder than words. Yet he couldn't force himself to stop loving Kunzite any more than he could force himself to stop breathing. His love for Kunzite was unconditional. People threw that term around a lot, especially in the human realms, where lovers professed to love each other unconditionally…within reason. Zoisite knew better. Reason violated the very concept of unconditional love. His feelings for Kunzite were an incurable illness, an unbreakable curse. There was literally nothing Kunzite could do that would make him stop loving him.

However, in light of recent events, he'd come to realize that falling in love with Kunzite had been a really bad idea.

Since he couldn't shut off his own feelings, he'd have to act so nasty that Kunzite wouldn't want to be anywhere near him. Any crumb of affection he tossed the older man's way would be the signal to exploit him again. Then he'd be done for.

Still….

He pulled the sundress from the pile.

It wouldn't hurt to try it on.

-%-

Kunzite finished the wine he'd been swilling and hurled the empty bottle to shatter against the far wall. How dare Zoisite toy with him like this. It had been at least fifteen minutes and still no groveling. It seemed like an eternity had passed since he last saw his little cherry blossom, and with each second Kunzite felt himself become weaker and more heartsick.

He knew Zoisite still loved him. He had to. Why else would he have let Kunzite live after what he had witnessed? If he truly doubted the older man's devotion he would have blasted him with the orb before he had a chance to recover from his shock at Beryl's accidental suicide. It could be argued Zoisite needed him since he didn't have his powers, but that wasn't true. He could have used Jadeite. Jadeite was hopelessly stupid, but that just made him a better tool.

Instead the little minx took for granted that Kunzite would be forever at his beck and call. Kunzite wouldn't allow that. He had his pride after all. If Zoisite was hoping for gifts and flowers, he'd just have to wait forever.

Except it seemed that's exactly what Zoisite was doing.

Kunzite felt like he was dying.

-%-

Zoisite pulled out his hair-tie and shook out his flowing locks and admired the result. A beautiful golden-haired girl with moss-green eyes smiled back at him. The dress was loose, especially up top, but it gave him the illusion of having a bosom. He stood on his tiptoes to add shape to his calves. When he dressed like this nobody could guess he was a boy. He twirled around and sang. "_I'm a pretty girl. A very pretty girl. I turn straight men gay, and gay women straight_," he came to a full stop. "Or it the other way around?" He shrugged. It wasn't important. Little pink lipgloss, a spray of white freesia blossoms behind his ear and then he'd look perfect.

Except for that damned scar.

He frowned and went to Beryl's vanity and started pulling open drawers. As much as he loathed the thought of borrowing Beryl's makeup, a woman as vain and self-deluded as Beryl would probably have some sort of magical scar cream, or at least some heavy duty concealer. He checked the top then got on his knees to search the bottom drawers. As he searched he felt another presence slip in behind him. From the heavy breathing he guessed it was Kunzite, driven to the brink of madness by the sight of him in his pretty new dress. His guess was confirmed as he felt two hands brushing his hair to one side to rain light kisses on the bare patches of skin surrounding the straps of the sundress.

Zoisite slammed the drawer shut. "Kunzite, you are really starting to annoy me!"

Strong arms embraced him from behind as the lips drifted up the back of his neck to his ear. "Guess again, my love," said a breathy whisper that didn't sound like Kunzite at all.

Zoisite jumped to his feet and spun around, only to find himself being pressed against the vanity by a very happy-looking Endymion. The thought of those lips on his back made Zoisite taste bile. "You! How did you get in here? What do you think you're doing! Get out of my room at once!"

Endymion's grin only widened. "Oh, we're playing that one tonight. Stand and deliver!"

Zoisite shrieked as Endymion reached out and tore the bodice from his dress. He raised his hands to cover his breasts until he remembered he didn't have any. He pointed at the door. "Leave. Now. I said get out!"

Endymion giggled and picked up Zoisite and threw him on the bed. Zoisite leapt off the other side as Endymion dove after him. "Don't worry, milady, I'm not after your money."

"Kunzaito-sama!" Zoisite screamed as Endymion chased him around the room. "KUNZAITO-SAMA!"

-%-

"KUNZAITO-SAMA!"

Kunzite took another swig of wine. _Oh, great,_ he mused to himself. _Zoisite treats me like garbage until he needs something. And then it's all Kunzaito-sama! Kunzaito-sama! Like I'm his trained dog._

"KUNZAITO-SAMA! HELP ME!"

_He sounds terrified. Probably wants me to kill a spider for him. To hell with Zoisite. Let him scream._

"KUNZAITO-SAMA!"

Kunzite dropped the bottle. _Let him scream?_ What the hell was he thinking?

He teleported and found himself in Beryl's bedchamber. Zoisite was in a lavender sundress his hair falling over his face and his wrists being pinned to the bed by another man. The top of the dress was open, and he recognized Endymion as the man trying to motorboat his flat chest.

Kunzite felt his rage boiling over to see his little rosebud being handled in such a rough manner. Yet Endymion smiled up at him as if Kunzite hadn't interrupted anything. "Oh, hiya, Kunzite. I didn't hear you come in. How is it going?"

Kunzite blinked. Zoisite all prettied up? Endymion caught manhandling his beloved and yet making no move to flee or defend himself? Clearly this was all a carefully choreographed stunt, and not by Endymion.

Kunzite made a fist. "Zoisite! This time you've gone too far!"


	4. Chapter 4

"I'VE gone too far? Get him off of me!"

Kunzite had no idea what was going on, but regardless of what was happening, he felt more than happy to comply. He grabbed Endymion by the ankle and yanked him onto the floor.

"Kunzite, that hurt," Endymion said.

"Yes, well it was supposed to," he called upon dark magic to fix the front of Zoisite's dress. "Zoisite. What is the meaning of this charade?"

Zoisite gave a shrug of terror. "I have no idea. That guy came out of nowhere and started attacking me like a maniac."

Kunzite wasn't prepared to believe that, except Endymion launched past him and scrambled back onto the bed. Zoisite let out a high pitched scream and ran behind Kunzite. Endymion gave chase and Kunzite stood there while Endymion and Zoisite circled around him.

"Kunzaito-sama. Do something!"

"Don't be alarmed, Kunzite," Endymion said. "We're just roleplaying."

"No we are not!" Zoisite shrieked.

Endymion reversed direction, but so did Zoisite, and just as fast.

"If we aren't roleplaying, why haven't you used the safeword?"

"What safeword?" Zoisite said. "I don't know any safeword."

Comprehension dawned on Kunzite and he slapped his own forehead. "Oh, course. The guise. He must be aligned with the Dark Kingdom now. He's convinced you're Queen Beryl."

Endymion came to a full stop and pointed at Zoisite. "Wait a minute. You're saying that isn't Beryl?"

Zoisite stopped as well and hid behind Kunzite's cloak. "No. I'm Zoisite."

Endymion stood there and pondered this for so long that Zoisite came out from hiding. "So you're supposed to be Zoisite?"

"I just said I was, didn't I?"

Endymion gave Kunzite a wolfish grin. "Well okay… that certainly explains why she's invited you to join us, Kunzite. But won't the real Zoisite be upset with you if he finds out about this?"

Zoisite's jaw dropped. "I AM the real Zoisite, you dullard!"

"Oh, yeah?" Endymion resumed the chase. "If you're the real Zoisite, why aren't you floating?"

Zoisite resumed circling behind Kunzite. "None of your business why I'm not floating!"

"You're not floating because you're not Zoisite. You're Beryl."

"I am not Beryl. I'm Zoisite."

"Oh, yeah? If you were Zoisite you'd have a-"

Zoisite crossed his arms and gave Endymion a peeved look as the startled prince stood there with his palm pressed against his skirt and a shocked expression on his face. Then Endymion chuckled. "Your Majesty, you are just full of surprises tonight. No problem. I'll just flip you over and go about my business."

Zoisite shrieked as Endymion threw him face down on the bed and then unbuckled his belt. Kunzite gave him a tap on the shoulder and when he turned, the taller man gave him a right hook that sent him sprawling.

Zoisite pushed his hair out of his face and peeked at the prince who had collapsed on the floor. Then he looked up at Kunzite. "That certainly took you long enough! I swear, you are so slow, I could cut you on Monday and you wouldn't bleed until Thursday."

Kunzite rolled his eyes. "Yes, well I'm still not completely convinced you didn't put him up to this."

"Please. I just did my best to murder the guy an hour ago. Remember? There is no way I'd choose that face-maiming freak as a cuddle buddy." He glanced at the unmoving heap. "Is he dead?"

"No."

"Then what are you waiting for? Go over there and kill him."

"No."

"No?" Zoisite looked up at him. "Why not?"

"Two reasons. One: He's the only bargaining chip we have against the Senshi if they decide to come poking around here. Two: He's clearly been tampered with by Beryl. Who knows what sort of defensive spells she might have placed on him in case one of us decides to kill him or use dark magic on him."

Zoisite pouted. "At least use your dark magic to convince him I'm not Beryl."

Kunzite sighed. "I can't. Right now, there is nothing anyone could say or do that would convince him you're not Beryl. The spell I used is too strong."

"Then undo the spell," Zoisite said.

"I can't. If I take the spell down for him, I have to take it down for everyone. I might not be able to trick all of their minds a second time."

Zoisite sniffed. "Great, so I'm supposed to let him paw at me? What if he decides to attack me while I'm sleeping?"

Kunzite smirked. "I guess you'd better not sleep alone."

Zoisite twirled a lock of hair between his fingers. "I wonder if Jadeite snores."

Kunzite's smirk vanished. "Oh, fine." He grasped Zoisite and a pink glow surrounded him again.

Zoisite looked up at him with his big green eyes. "What did you do this time?"

Kunzite looked at the slowly stirring Endymion. "You'll see."

"My Queen!" Endymion said and rushed at Zoisite, only to bounce off an invisible barrier when he got within five feet of him. Undeterred, he picked himself up off the floor tried again.

"I've given you a reverse-Endymion-polarity so that he can't get near you."

"Ha, that's pretty clever," Zoisite laughed, "persistent little bugger isn't he?" he added during Endymion's eighth-ninth-tenth attempt. "Beryl must have really messed him up. It's almost a pity. I would have liked to have tortured him, just to learn the safeword."

Suddenly Endymion stopped bashing himself against the invisible barrier and clutched his head. "Oh, no, not again. Not now."

Kunzite and Zoisite watched at Endymion's cringing form wavered and dematerialized before their eyes until he was completely gone.

"What was that?" Zoisite asked.

Kunzite shook his head. "It wasn't me."

"Another one of Beryl's parlor games?"

Kunzite shook his head again and resisted an urge to pet Zoisite's hair. "Whatever just happened to him, it has nothing to do with the Dark Kingdom."

"So what happened? Is he dead now? Will he come back?"

They sat on the bed. Their hands rested inches apart. Not close enough to touch, but close enough to feel each other's warmth. Neither made a move closer or further away. Instead they sat in silence, to ponder the vanishing of Endymion, and to bask in the crackling of energy at their proximity each was sure only he could feel. It was a few minutes before Kunzite risked a glance at Zoisite. "That dress looks really good on you."

"Yes. I know it does."

The silence resumed until a reptilian youma head peeked in through the wall. Youma had no concept of shame or intimacy, so the few non-youma denizens of Dark Kingdom took such intrusions in stride. "My Queen. Jadeite has requested an emergency audience with you in the assembly hall."

Zoisite muttered under his breath behind his fingers. "Emergency audience? After I sent him to gather brochures? It appears I've sorely underestimated the limits of his incompetence." Then louder. "Tell him to wait a few minutes. Emergency or not, I will grant him an audience when I'm ready."

"Very good, My Queen," the youma said and retreated.

Zoisite sighed and rose from the bed. "I'd better change out of this dress."

"Why?" Kunzite asked, secretly taking in one last woeful look. "Everyone will see Beryl in her typical gown of state. Nobody will even know you're wearing it."

"I'll know I'm wearing it…so will you, for that matter."

Kunzite nodded and sat there until he noticed Zoisite was making shooing motions toward the door with his hands.

"You want me to go outside before you strip down to your underpants?"

Zoisite nodded.

"Oh come on. It's nothing I haven't seen before."

"And it's nothing you'll ever see again."

"Fine by me. I'll be outside," Kunzite said with as much cold indifference as he could muster.


	5. Chapter 5

Zoisite sat on Beryl's throne in the audience chamber, trying to look as Beryl-like as possible, which to Zoisite meant thrusting his chest out and scowling.

"Jadeite, you may approach."

The young blond stepped forward and bowed. "My queen."

"Did you get me those new pajamas I requested?"

Jadeite broke into a sweat. "No, my queen. I did not get a chance."

Zoisite sighed. He would have liked to change out of his charred undershirt and trousers. "Jadeite, this never-ending stream of disappointments is turning into a deluge. I trust you have a good reason for failing to achieve such a basic task."

Jadeite nodded. "I do, my queen."

"Well. Let's hear your excuses," Zoisite sat up straight. At the very least, this should be good for a laugh.

"Before I begin, I need to give you some important information." He raised his head and there was a twinkle in his eye. "I know Sailor Moon's human identity."

Zoisite waved his hand. "Yes, yes, so do I. Get on with the story."

Jadeite's smile faded and he broke back into a sweat. "I meant to get you those pajamas. I really did. But on the way to the boutique I saw a world famous salon that was giving free haircuts."

Zoisite bit his lip. Partly because he was frustrated and partly because this was even droller than he imagined. "So you failed in this simple task...because you wanted to get a free haircut?"

"I wanted to look my best for you."

"How very pathetic. Let me guess. There was a long line, and by the time you got your free haircut, it was dark out and all the shops had closed. So you decided to call this emergency meeting to tell me Sailor Moon's identity to soften the blow your misplaced vanity and utter ineptness has earned you."

Jadeite smiled proudly. "Not at all my queen. I failed in this mission because I attacked Sailor Moon."

Zoisite saw black spots before his eyes. Kunzite had to run forward to steady him. Jadeite attacked Sailor Moon. The Sailor Moon who now had the Silver Crystal. The Silver Crystal with the ability to crack planets in half. He'd felt its might once, when she slammed him against stone with the merest flick of her wrist and practically killed him. He'd hoped never to see her again, but Jadeite had to go and kick the hornets' nest. "You attacked Sailor Moon?"

"Yes, my queen."

"And did I give you permission to do that!" Zoisite screamed.

"Yes, my queen."

"Well…as of now, you don't!"

"But, your majesty. She was there all alone. Without her friends. Dressed as a civilian. I knew I could take her. She couldn't transform without letting everyone know she was Sailor Moon. So I summoned a youma."

Zoisite buried his forehead in his palm and groaned. "Please tell me she's dead now."

"Not exactly."

Zoisite raised his head. "What do you mean not exactly? She's either dead or she isn't!"

"Let me tell you what happened. While the youma went on the attack against Sailor Moon's alter-ego, I drained the people in the salon of their energy. They all passed out, except for one girl, who must have been Sailor Moon's sister. They looked a lot alike."

Jadeite ignored Zoisite's burying his face in both hands and groaning.

"Once the others in the salon were drained and unconscious, Sailor Moon transformed right in front of me. While the other girl ran into the bathroom. That's when I joined the attack. She defeated the Youma but I had her. That's when Tuxedo Mask showed up."

Zoisite and Kunzite exchanged glances. Zoisite looked back at Jadeite and smiled. "Did you just say Tuxedo Mask showed up?"

"Er…yeah," Jadeite said, a bit perplexed that his queen's face lit up at the point when the battle turned against him.

"And you are certain it was he?" Kunzite asked.

"Yes. He threw a rose and everything. Except he told Sailor Moon his name was Endymion, he didn't love her, and he's working with us now."

"Yeah, yeah," Zoisite waved again, but he was grinning like a loon. "Get to the part where she healed Tuxedo Mask with the power of the Silver Crystal, and they walked hand-in-hand off into the sunset."

"Um…I didn't stick around that long. Even though Tuxedo Mask said he was one of us, he'd still thrown the rose right at me, just as I was getting ready to finish her off. I thought it best to retreat."

Zoisite clapped. "Excellent news. You've made me so happy I've decided to overlook my lack of pajamas."

"Er, thank you, my queen," Jadeite bowed. He knew the queen to be capricious, but this was bordering on ridiculous.

Zoisite rose and picked up his staff. "You've given me much to think about. I must retire to my quarters and decide on a strategy. In the meanwhile, you are not to attack Sailor Moon—No, you are not to leave the Dark Kingdom at all. Not for any reason. Or it's eternal Eternal Sleep for you. Do I make myself clear?"

Jadeite bowed. "Perfectly clear, my queen."

"Dismissed," Zoisite rose and walked toward his bedchamber with Kunzite at his side. He looked up at his mentor as soon as the others were out of earshot. "This certainly explains what happened to Endymion."

Kunzite nodded. "He's probably is under a curse that forces him to show up and throw a rose whenever Sailor Moon is about to lose a battle."

"I did wonder how he managed to find her everywhere, at all of hours of the day."

Kunzite smirked. "I just figured he was a sad little peeper."

Zoisite giggled behind his hand, and for a moment it felt like old times. Kunzite reached for his shoulder and Zoisite cleared his throat.

"So what you do you think?" Zoisite asked. "Did she heal him with the crystal?"

"Either that or one or both of them are dead. I can't see how this could have turned out any other way."

"Perfect," Zoisite said. "If she healed him, our troubles are over. If she killed him, she's probably too grief-stricken to come after us. If he killed her, I'll ask him for the silver crystal and I'll use it to finish him off. Along with Metalia."

Kunzite swallowed hard at the heresy and looked around. "I don't think you should talk like that."

"Oh, nobody heard me. Why can't you loosen up and live a little?"

Zoisite threw open the double doors to the bedchamber and they saw Endymion lying in the bed, barechested, with a red rose in his hand.

"You're alive," Zoisite said in disgust.

Endymion nodded and patted the pillow.

"Did you kill Sailor Moon?" Kunzite asked.

Endymion shook his head.

"Did she even try to heal you with the silver Crystal?" Zoisite asked.

"Nope," Endymion caressed the unoccupied pillow with the rose. "The idea never occurred to her."

"Well, what happened to her?" Zoisite asked.

Endymion shrugged. "Who cares?" He patted the pillow again. "Now get over here."

Zoisite closed the doors to the bedchamber without entering, then looked up at Kunzite. "It's official: Sailor Moon must be the stupidest person on the face of the Earth."

"I don't know about that," Kunzite said. "I've seen a lot of stupid things in my time."

They walked off. "We need to hail down a youma and tell her I want all the trash removed from that room and burned, especially the trash in the bed. Then I want the walls and floor stripped down and covered with travertine tile and the place redecorated with matching furniture and bedding. I think I'll go with a warm beige motif after all. And of course I'll want you to do that spell again, but for the entire room. As of now, that needs to be an Endymion-free zone."

He looked up at Kunzite with a hesitant expression. Like he wanted to add something else, but wasn't sure how Kunzite would react.

"What is it?" Kunzite asked as gently as he could.

"While the youma are working, would it be possible for me to go back to our room to collect all of my things?" Zoisite chewed his fingers through his gloves and cringed as if he feared Kunzite would strike him.

Kunzite kept his expression icy. "Of course. In fact, I've been waiting for you to ask." Kunzite scanned Zoisite's expressive face for disappointment, but didn't see any.

Still, it felt like the start of spring. Zoisite's request wasn't what Kunzite wanted to hear, but he had said 'our room' instead of 'your room', which meant that Zoisite still had feelings for him.

Or else it meant absolutely nothing at all. Just force of habit. But Kunzite chose to live in hope.


	6. Chapter 6

Zoisite scraped up the last of the peach gelato with his spoon until there was nothing but rivulets of syrup clinging to the seams of the container. He should have asked for a quart. He wasn't hungry. He was lonely. And not just for Kunzite. The Gothic travesty that had been Beryl's private abode was now elegant and inviting, with its honey marble and crystal chandelier, but he had nobody to share it with.

He settled into the creamy suede sofa nobody but him would sit on. The dining table only needed a single chair. The cozy bed was far too large for his tiny frame. The youma had done all the work and done it flawlessly, but it was nothing less than their duty to Beryl. He now had the entire Dark Kingdom at his beck and call, which just gave him more time to reflect how alone he was. The youma were eager to please, but only because they feared him. They thought he was Beryl, so any attempt at familiarity would frighten them even more. He could die in his sleep and fade to dust and nobody would care.

Not that anyone cared before, but he thought someone did, and that made a difference. Looking back he couldn't believe he'd been such a fool. Kunzite never said he loved him. Not once. Zoisite said it plenty of times, but each time Kunzite reacted as if Zoisite was setting a trap, so he just learned not to say it.

If he went back to Kunzite, he'd still be alone.

From this point on it was Zoisite vs. The Rest of the World. Which were pretty even odds, but still… No family, no real friends, a counterfeit ex-boyfriend...Was this what it was like to be Beryl? No wonder she was always so hellbent on making everyone else feel miserable.

Zoisite put his hand above the empty gelato container and willed it to rise. It wobbled a bit, as if someone kicked the table, but then it stayed still. He sighed. If he couldn't even lift a cardboard cup with the scant amount of dark energy he'd regenerated, burning it to ash was out of the question. He set it outside the door to be disposed of by a passing youma.

He stripped out of his thankful-not-burnt spare uniform and lamented his lack of pajamas. Pajamas had been pointless when he shared a room with Kunzite. Not to mention stiflingly hot. But he'd secretly always wanted a pair made of the finest silk. He'd sent a low ranking youma to the market for gelato. Anything with both 'peach' and 'gelato' on the label was bound to be good. Likewise, the artisan youmas made the room look magnificent, but even if they had messed it up, he'd just make them do it over again. Silk pajamas, on the other hand, that wasn't the sort of task you gave to someone who wasn't human. There were just too many things he'd need to explain, and he looked forward to the supreme level of quality only a discerning sycophant like Jadeite could finesse. Too bad the logistical aspects of the task were beyond his skill.

_Oh well,_ he mused as he climbed under the plush European style goose-down quilt, there was always tomorrow. After the week he'd had, he intended to sleep as soundly as the dead.

-%-

Kunzite pulled the framed portrait out of the trash. The glass had cracked and was coated in coffee grounds but the image was still visible. It was Zoisite's favorite, the one where Kunzite posed stoically while Zoisite couldn't keep his hands off him. Kunzite wasn't big on such sentimental things. He's offered it to Zoisite, but Zoisite said he didn't want it. Kunzite said if he didn't take it, he'd only throw it away. So Zoisite took the picture and tossed it in the trash before he walked out with his box of stuff. A weaker man than Kunzite might have cried. The picture hadn't meant much to him, but it once meant a lot to Zoisite.

-%-

Zoisite felt something tickling his foot. He kicked at it, suspecting Beryl had mice, but the rough laughter suggested a pest of a different sort. He opened one eye and saw one of his feet peeking out from under the covers and Endymion caressing the sole with his walking stick.

"You look like an angel when you're sleeping."

"How did you get in here!" Zoisite cocooned himself in the quilt and scurried to the headboard. Which turned out to be a mistake, since it allowed Endymion to get close enough to the bed to grab the quilt.

"Metalia sent me, of course." He said and gave the quilt a tug, while Zoisite tugged back with all his might.

"What is she thinking? Sending you in here in the middle of the night?"

Endymion tugged harder. "Middle of the night? It's four in the afternoon. You've been in bed all day."

Zoisite felt the quilt start to slip through his fingers. "KUNZAITO-SAMA!"

To Zoisite's relief, Kunzite appeared at once and grabbed Endymion by the upper arm. "How did you get in here?"

"That's what I want to know," Zoisite said.

"Metalia sent me in here," Endymion said.

"And we're sending you right back out again," Kunzite said and marched him to the door. As Kunzite stepped through he lost his hold on Endymion, who was repelled back into the room as if he had walked into a wall.

"Good job, Kunzite," Zoisite said. "You've warded the door, not the room, so now he's locked in."

Kunzite reappeared. "Don't worry, if he can be teleported in, he can be teleported out."

"You can't do that," Endymion said. "Queen Metalia sent me here. She will be very displeased with me if I don't report on my status."

"That's what the audience chamber is for," Zoisite said.

Endymion stared at Zoisite. "Are you ill, milady? You haven't been yourself."

Zoisite nodded solemnly. "I haven't been myself for quite some time."

Endymion bowed. "I will inform Queen Metalia at once so she can heal you with the power of her darkness."

Zoisite broke into a sweat. "Um…"

"That won't be necessary," Kunzite said quickly and grabbed hold of Endymion's arm again. "Queen Metalia mustn't be bothered. Queen Beryl's just overworked and needs her beauty sleep."

"Wait," Zoisite said. "Before you leave, let's hear him out." He flipped his hair, looked at Endymion, and tried to project a regal facade. "Did you see Sailor Moon again?"

"Yes, milady, but I had no choice in the matter."

"And did she try to heal you with the silver crystal."

"No, milady."

"The next time you see Sailor Moon, I want you to ask her to heal you with her silver crystal."

"What? No!" Endymion flushed with disgust. "That would sever my bond with Metalia and then we can never be together! Surely, you must be plagued by more than simple exhaustion to even suggest such a thing," he looked at Kunzite. "Take me to Metalia at once. She will want to hear about this."

Zoisite chuckled nervously. "Did I say tell her to heal you? I meant I want you to tell her NOT to heal you. Tell her under no circumstances is she to try to heal you because that will sever your bond with Metalia and take you away from me and neither of our hearts could bear it if we were torn asunder!"

Endymion smiled. "That's more like it."

"Idiot," Zoisite coughed into his hand.

The reptilian youma peeked its head in. "My queen. Jadeite has requested another emergency meeting."

Zoisite sighed. "Of course he did. Tell him I'm on my way."


	7. Chapter 7

Zoisite sat in the audience chamber clutching Beryl's staff. Before him bowed Kunzite, Endymion, and Jadeite. Jadeite was emptyhanded, of course.

"You didn't get me those pajamas, did you?"

"No, your majesty."

"Really? I'm shocked," Zoisite said.

"You don't sound shocked, my queen," Jadeite said.

"That's because I'm employing sarcasm!"

"Oh," Jadeite eyes misted over.

"Well go on! Let's hear this latest epic saga of failure."

Jadeite stood up straight. "Your majesty, I have important information. I know the true identities of Sailor Mercury and Sailor Mars."

Zoisite waved his fingers about. "Don't care. Get on with it."

Jadeite's voice trembled. "I did as you asked. I continued looking for places to gather energy. I was investigating a ski resort when I came across Sailor Moon and Sailor Mars without Sailor Mercury."

Zoisite drummed his fingers on Beryl's orb. It figured, the travel ban had been lifted for less than a day, and already Jadeite was stirring up the sort of trouble that would land the senshi right at his doorstep. All he wanted was to live in peace and quiet. Was that really too much to ask?

"Since their forces were divided, I decided it would be a good time to strike."

"Really? You honestly thought weak-as-water Sailor Mercury might have tipped the battle in their favor? In a place that was already frozen over?"

"Um… she is the smart one."

"Point taken. Go on."

"Well I nearly had them. I used my dark power to trap them in an ice pit and demanded they turn over the Silver Crystal so you could free Queen Metalia and rule the world alongside her. I told Sailor Moon your power was unstoppable and there was nothing they could do to oppose you so they might as well give up now."

"Hey, don't get me involved in this!"

Jadeite stared at Zoisite, then to a very perplexed Endymion, then to the expressionless Kunzite then back at Zoisite. "My queen. Is there something wrong with you?"

"That's what I've been wondering," Endymion muttered.

"Silence!" Zoisite screamed. "I will not tolerate such insubordination from a pair of useless dimwits! Did you get the crystal? No? Dumb question! Of course you didn't. If you ever manage to break your record of nonstop failure, we'd never get you to shut up about it!"

"My queen, I almost had them. They were trapped in the pit of ice, but then Sailor Moon realized Sailor Mars could melt their way out, so I summoned a youma and we went on the attack." He thrust his hand out and pointed to Endymion. "That's when he showed up."

Endymion nodded. "As I told you before, I had no choice."

Zoisite implored the heaven. "Oh, goody. Three against two. I can't wait to hear how well this turned out!"

Jadeite's lip curled. "Endymion insisted we step aside and let him finish them off."

Zoisite nearly wept. "No doubt so he could kill them with kindness. Brilliant thinking Endymion!"

"Then he started throwing roses at them," Jadeite said.

"Really?" Zoisite grew calm. "Endymion did something helpful for a change?" he creased his brow. "Or do you mean he tossed them softly in their general direction, as a token of his great affection for them both?"

"No, my queen. He threw with lethal force and they had to leap and dodge to avoid being skewered."

Zoisite smiled. "Endymion, I'm impressed."

Endymion flourished and bowed. "I am pleased beyond words at milady's graceful compliment."

"Don't be," Zoisite twirled a lock of hair. "It's only because you deliberately bungled Jadeite's last mission that my expectations were so low to begin with."

"My queen," Endymion's voice wavered.

Zoisite cut him off. "Jadeite, what happened next?"

"Endymion threw roses and the senshi begged for their lives. It looked as if we'd win, but the youma got impatient and attacked. Endymion switched the attack to the youma and Sailor Moon was able to defeat her. Then Endymion told the senshi killing them would be nothing to brag about, and he dragged me back to the Dark Kingdom."

Zoisite booed. "Bad Endymion! No sex for a month!"

"A month?" Endymion broke into a sweat. "I'll explode."

"Fine, a week then," Zoisite pushed back his hair and was glad to see a nervous expression flicker across Kunzite's face, "but you'd better not try anything for the next seven days or it really will be a month."

Endymion nodded. "If my queen commands it."

"She does. Oh, and Jadeite? Next time you run into Sailor Moon, I want you to inform her that we no longer want her Silver Crystal. Tell her you were mistaken. Queen Beryl has no intention of waking Metalia and conquering the world, and you seek the crystal for your own purposes. Fail in this and I will send you back to the Eternal Sleep."

"So you don't want the Silver Crystal anymore?" Jadeite asked.

"Yes, I want the Silver Crystal, but the senshi mustn't know that. Same goes for you, Endymion. The next time you see Sailor Moon, tell her I don't want the crystal anymore, but be sure to snatch it from her if the opportunity arises."

"Wait, I'm confused," Jadeite said. "You just said you don't want the crystal now you're saying you do want the crystal?"

Endymion nodded in agreement. "My queen, which is it? Do you want the crystal or not?"

Zoisite planted his face in his palm. "Yes, I want the crystal."

"Then why are we supposed to tell them you don't?" Jadeite asked.

"It's called lying, boys."

Endymion's face blanched. "You want us to lie to them? But that would be wrong!"

Zoisite turned bright red and started jumping up and down. "YES OF COURSE IT'S WRONG! We're the BAD GUYS! Don't you get it? We're supposed to be EVIL!"

Endymion's jaws dropped. "But lying to them would be unfair."

Zoisite found himself hyperventilating and swore he could smell the smoke coming out of his own ears. "Oh…for the love of all that is unholy…you are such morons…I need to leave right now…before I end up choking you both…"

He took his scepter and stormed out of the audience chamber, while Endymion and Jadeite watched him with big frightened eyes.

When he reached the end of the hall, Kunzite materialized with a smirk on his face. "No sex for a week, huh? So what happens when the week is over?"

"Trust me. Endymion won't be alive at the end of the week."

"We should talk. Somewhere private. Care for Dim Sum?"

"Absolutely. But this is strictly business. I'm not putting on a dress for you."

"Understood," Kunzite said. He touched Zoisite and they teleported. Ziosite found himself seated in a dark corner of their favorite Chinese restaurant. Kunzite sat across from him and they both wore business suits. Zoisite hid Beryl's staff under the table. They hailed down a cart-girl for fried shrimp, steamed greens, and pork dumplings. Zoisite took a small bite from a dumpling, but Kunzite was giving him 'that look', so he set down his chopsticks.

"What did you want to talk about?"

"Endymion and Jadeite are becoming suspicious. You need to be careful or they are going to cause trouble."

"I thought you said your spell was foolproof?"

"It is. They are still convinced you are Beryl, but they think there is something very wrong. They spoke with me about it briefly after you left."

"What did you tell them?"

"I told them they need focus less on Beryl and more on their own failings, if they hope to rise above their petty minion status."

Zoisite grinned.

"They also asked me where you were."

"Really? I didn't know they cared. What did you say?"

"I told them Beryl killed you with her orb. They are wondering why I'm not upset about that."

"Ha, little do they know," Zoisite chuckled. "What did you say?"

Kunzite looked up as if distracted. "I told them our loyalty and duty to our queens must come first."

Zoisite rolled his eyes. "You would say that."

Kunzite stared at the ceiling. "They seem convinced I'm not involved...I placed a tracking spell on them so I can hear them if they are talking about Beryl...They are talking about her now..."

"What are they saying?"

Kunzite didn't answer right away, but continued to gaze at the ceiling, while absently eating his DimSum. Zoisite sighed and ate as well, then hailed a cart-girl for some plum wine and egg-custard tarts for the both of them.

At long last Kunzite focused his attention back to Zoisite with a grave expression on his face. "This is serious. They've noticed she's been displaying a lot of your mannerisms. Your speech, your skulking posture, your constant fiddling with your hair…they think you might have Beryl under a spell. They are unable to suspect the truth, so they believe you're alive, and you've found the means to control Beryl like a puppet. Jadeite wants to go to Metalia, but Endymion talked him out of it until they have absolute proof."

"Good for Endymion." Zoisite sipped his wine.

Kunzite sneered and grabbed his arm. "Zoisite, you need to take this seriously. My own power dwarves everyone else's in the Dark Kingdom, but Metalia is a goddess. She can crush me like a fly if she chooses to do so. If they approach her, she will know the truth in an instant, and I won't be able to protect you."

"So what do you suggest I do?" Zoisite asked and nibbled on his custard tart.

"For a start, you need to learn to control your temper."

Zoisite scowled. "Why? Beryl couldn't control her temper."

"Yes, but she expressed her anger in a completely different manner. She didn't go around screaming her head off and throwing fits."

Zoisite threw his chopsticks on the floor and rose from the table to glower down at him. "What! You're saying I go around screaming my head off and throwing fits!"

"Isn't that what you're doing right now?"

Zoisite turned and saw that everyone in the restaurant was staring at him. He blushed and sank back down. "Fine. How do I keep from losing my temper?"

"I suggest you find a way to always look on the bright side. Instead of constantly badgering Jadeite for being a failure, focus your thoughts on coming up with ways to work his failures to your benefit. Instead of losing patience with Endymion for his shifting loyalty, take comfort in the fact he's equally ineffective no matter whose side he's on."

Zoisite smiled and grabbed his hand. "You're right. That would work. No wonder you're the best, Kunziato-sama."

Kunzite clasped his free hand over his and caressed his soft skin with his fingertips.

Zoisite's smile vanished and he pulled his hand away. "We'll have none of that, Casanova."


	8. Chapter 8

Zoisite took Kunzite's advice and managed to control his temper for three whole days. Mostly from following Kunzite's advice, but it didn't hurt that Endymion was keeping his distance. Plus, Jadeite had gotten him several pairs of silk pajamas. Really nice ones too, with lavish patterns and silk that felt like rose petals. All long as he remained calm, he could impersonate Beryl easily enough. Soon Jadeite and Endymion stopped their huddling, while their mild animosity promised to blossom into jealous hatred.

Even better, Kunzite told him he was proud of him for correcting himself so quickly and so well. Even if they were no longer together, he still prized his mentor's approval.

The true test he knew would be Jadeite's next report.

"Jadeite, I understand you called this emergency meeting?" Zoisite said as Kunzite, Endymion, and Jadeite bowed before him.

"Yes, my queen, I want to report there are two new senshi. Sailor Jupiter and Sailor Venus."

_Yes, I know_, Zoisite thought,_ I've been senshi-spanked by the both of them. _He forced a smile. "Jadeite. Two new senshi? Well, very good to know, I must think of a reward for this excellent information."

Endymion straightened up and scowled. "What you mean 'excellent information'? You already knew about them. In fact, we were discussing Sailor Venus just the other day."

Zoisite fought down the urge to snarl. Instead, he smiled coquettishly. "Did we now? The conversation must have slipped my mind. You must forgive me. I often find myself intoxicated by your masculine charms, and lose myself in a world of fantasy."

Endymion blushed. "My queen. My heart is gladdened by your words, though I know myself to be unworthy of them."

"No doubt." This was going well. Everyone was in a good mood. Even Kunzite's ice cold demeanor had a touch of levity to it. Zoisite clutched the orb to keep from toying with a lock of his own hair. "Jadeite, tell me how you came about this information."

Jadeite's eyes became big with fright as he pointed his finger at Endymion. "My queen. I almost had the Silver Crystal within my grasp. I had her this time. I really did. Then he had to go and screw everything up again."

"Oh?" Zoisite said.

"Yes. He deliberately destroyed an icetrap I was using to freeze the senshi into ice sculptures."

Endymion raised his hand. "In my defense, he was going to freeze me to death too."

Zoisite wagged his finger. "Now, now Jadeite, we can't have you freezing poor Endymion to death." _Not unless you're going to succeed at it, anyway._

Jadeite crossed his arms. "When you hear how he acted, you'll change your mind."

_I'm changing my mind just looking at him._ "Very well, proceed with your tale."

"It all started when I learned of a new ice-skating rink that had opened up. There were a pair of Olympic skaters giving free lessons, so I decided to check it out as a potential energy source."

"And you spotted Sailor Moon there," Zoisite said.

Jadeite boggled. "How did you know?"

_"A lucky guess," Zoisite said. Come on, you doorknob. She is a socially adroit fourteen-year-old hedonist. She turns up at every marginally trendy FREE event she finds out about._ _It's not like she has a job. _

"At first I decided to ignore her. Since I wasn't really sure, based on your prior orders, if you still wanted the Silver Crystal."

_Deep breaths, Zoisite, deep breaths._

"Then I remembered you do want the Silver Crystal, but you want us to lie and say we don't."

"Very good, Jadeite." _I hope that didn't come out one tenth as condescending as it should have._

"Still, I was a bit gun-shy after my prior attempts were foiled by Endymion." He shot a glare at the dark haired man. "On the other hand, she was all alone. Without Sailor Mars or Sailor Mercury. She was just there with her sister and some ponytailed giantess, so I figured I might have a chance."

_Doubtful._

"What really cinched it for me was that she didn't know how to skate at all. She was just skidding around, falling on her butt, and wailing like a baby. I figured my odds would never be better than they were at that moment. So I summoned not one but two figure-skating youma, just to be safe, and the people fled in fear, leaving me alone with Sailor Moon, who was seated on her posterior in the middle of the rink."

_And yet no Silver Crystal. If he had it, surely that would have been the "important information" he led with. Wait. Didn't he say Endymion screwed this up? Hear him out and find the humor in this, Zoisite, it shouldn't be too difficult. _"Did you tell her I no longer want to use the Silver Crystal?"

Jadeite nodded. "Yes, I did. I told her I was mistaken. You don't want to use it to wake Metalia after all, so I'm not going to even bother stealing it from her icy corpse."

"Why, Jadeite. You're growing smarter by the minute." And Zoisite meant it too. This keeping a lid on his temper stuff was becoming second nature. Kunzite was right. It was all a matter of attitude. As long as he didn't take everyone else's overwhelming stupidity to heart, everything went smoothly. A shame he hadn't figured this out before.

"Then the two new senshi appeared. For a moment I was worried, but the youma managed to disable them quickly since they didn't have skates on their costumes. Sailor Moon had skates, but she didn't know how to use them, so she was still cowering in the middle of the ice. I was just about ready to finish her off when-"

Zoisite sat up straight. "Let me guess. Is that when Endymion showed up and threw a rose at you?"

Jadeite nodded. "Right after I laughed maniacally and told Sailor Moon I lied about you not wanting the crystal."

Zoisite's mouth went dry._ You did WHAT? You stupid mother—BREATHE, ZOISITE, BREATHE. COUNT TO TEN. Wait. Maybe he's joking._ "You didn't really say that, did you?"

"I sure did. I gloated that we're still going to wake Queen Metalia and plunge the Earth into eternal darkness and without the power of the Silver Crystal there's nothing anyone can do stop us! Why? Was I not supposed to?"

_Deep breaths, Zoisite. Think happy thoughts. You need to keep it together. Kunzite knows how to keep it together. Look at how nonchalant he is over there with those sexy ice blue eyes of his. All calm and buff with that tan skin, those sideswept bangs, that manly chest all partly exposed as a gift to humanity. At one time that was all mine. Well, mine and Beryl's, but I had him most of the time. Okay, I'm good now._ "In the future I'd prefer it if my subjects didn't gloat. What happened next?"

Jadeite glared at the prince standing next to him. "As I was saying, just as I was getting ready to finish her off, Endymion appeared and threw a rose at me."

"HA! Of course he—" Zoisite coughed into his fist, "—might have had a perfectly good reason."

Endymion shook his head. "Nope. Jadeite was handling everything just fine."

_Deep breaths, deep breaths. Butterflies. Rose petals. Cherry trees in full bloom. Wait. Why am I getting upset? It's not like I really care anymore if Sailor Moon lives or dies. _"Did you tell her not to heal you, Endymion?"

"Yes, I did. I told her she mustn't heal me with the Silver Crystal, since I love you, and hate her, and she's just got to accept that's the way things have to be."

"So what did she do?" _Not a lot, obviously, since you're still here._

"She cried even harder," Endymion said. "It was truly pathetic."

Simpleminded as she was, Zoisite couldn't help but feel sorry for her. _Poor kid. Finding out your one true love is just using you as a side dish for some chewed up old hag? That's got to hurt._

Jadeite continued. "Endymion said he wanted to finish her off himself, but this time I wasn't falling for it. I ordered the youma to ignore Endymion and continue their attack."

Zoisite gave a sincere little clap. "Great job, Jadeite, well done. So what happened next?"

Jadeite looked at Endymion and Endymion looked at Jadeite and the audience chamber became deathly silent.

"Well, go on. Endymion? Tell me what happened next."

Endymion slouched his shoulders and stared at the floor. "I'd rather not."

"Why not?"

"You might get upset."

Zoisite gave a kind chuckle. "Oh, I find that unlikely. I already know the outcome. Sailor Moon somehow got the upperhand, but these things happen. You all returned safely and that's what really matters. Right, Endymion?"

Endymion continued to stare at his shoes. Meanwhile, Jadeite had a manic expression on his face, like he was ready to burst.

"Jadeite?"

Jadeite flung his hand at Endymion. "What happened next is he taught Sailor Moon how to ice-skate!"

Zoisite's mouth went completely dry. He must have misheard. "He taught Sailor Moon how to ice-skate?"

"That's what I said! He taught Sailor Moon how to ice-skate and together they defeated the youma with an advanced ice-dancing attack. Then the rest of those little bimbos showed up and surrounded me, so I set off an ice-trap to put them in a deep freeze, which was working perfectly, until Endymion foiled that too, of course."

Zoisite couldn't hear him. His brain was stuck. "He taught Sailor Moon how to ice-skate?" he echoed.

"My queen," Endymion said. "She was hopelessly outnumbered. She couldn't even stand up. It didn't seem right to just skate over and take her crystal from her under those circumstances."

"It didn't seem right to just skate over and take her crystal?" A red hot haze filled Zoisite's vision.

"Exactly," Endymion nodded.

Jadeite shrugged. "See why I didn't care if Endymion got killed by my icetrap?"

"My queen?" Kunzite said in alarm as Zoisite's face contorted in a snarl, his breath was coming out in rapid bursts, and his body trembled uncontrollably. "My queen, might I recommend we adjourn-"

Zoisite picked up the scepter and smashed it repeatedly against the throne, screaming "YOU TAUGHT SAILOR MOON HOW TO SKATE! HOW DARE YOU! HOW DARE YOU! BERYL TRIED TO KILL ME BECAUSE OF YOU! SHE LOVED YOU AND HATED ME! YOU, THE WORLD'S MOST INEFFECTIVE DANDY! I HAD ALL SEVEN OF THE CRYSTALS, YOU FOP! SEVEN OUT OF SEVEN! I TRIED TO MAKE BERYL STOP HATING ME! I GOT HER SEVEN CRYSTALS AND SHE STILL HATED ME! SHE HATED ME SO MUCH SHE TRIED TO KILL ME! I WASTED ALL MY TIME SUCCEEDING AT MY MISSIONS WHEN STUPID ME! ALL I REALLY NEEDED TO DO IS TEACH SAILOR MOON HOW TO ICE-SKATE!"

When he paused to catch his breath, he realized the others were staring at him in unmasked horror. Jadeite and Endymion were inching toward one another, and when they were within arm's reach, Jadeite grabbed Endymion's hand and they teleported away.

"Where did they go?" Zoisite asked rhetorically.

Kunzite was wearing his crazy war face. "Where do you think they went, you hot-tempered high-strung little imbicile?"

Zoisite gave Kunzite an imploring look, but Kunzite just burst out laughing like a fiend. "What do you expect me to do? It's already too late. Poor little Zoisite. You've really messed up this time. They've gone to Metalia and there's not a damned thing either of us can do to stave off her wrath."

Zoisite shot him a dirty look before he hoisted the scepter over one shoulder and took off running as fast as he could.


	9. Chapter 9

Zoisite ran for the stairs. There were interdimensional portals on the lower level. Where exactly, he didn't know. They were for the lessor youma. His own ability to teleport rendered that knowledge obsolete. Trouble was, teleportation required dark energy, and that wasn't something he could draw upon in any measurable quantity.

He rounded a corner and saw Kunzite leaning against a wall. "Do you really think you can outrun your fate?"

Kunzite's hysteria had passed and he wore a smile. He usually smirked. He only smiled when he felt thoroughly cruel.

Zoisite didn't waste energy acknowledging him and instead ran for the staircase. He bounded down the steps, three at a time while Metalia's voice emanated from the very walls. "ZOISITE. I KNOW YOU ARE THERE. REPORT TO MY CHAMBER IMMEDATELY."

He reached the landing and saw Kunzite leaning against the wall. Kunzite pointed at the stairs. "Metalia's chamber is that way."

"Oh, shut up." Zoisite kept running. This level was a maze of youma hatcheries and breeding pens. The portals had to be down here, but odds were better he'd run into a youma that would drag him back to Metalia. But that didn't bear thinking about.

Kunzite materialized at the end of a long corridor. "If it makes you feel any better, Queen Metalia probably won't kill you. She's not Queen Beryl, after all. She appreciates your talents, so she'll just wipe your brain clean and give you a different personality like she did with Endymion."

Zoisite sniffed. "Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you?"

Kunzite's sadistic smile broadened. "A docile, more obedient Zoisite is something much to be desired. Especially if it quiets you up a little."

"Ha," Zoisite's side started to hurt so he slowed to a jog._ Bastard_. Two could play that game. "What makes you think she won't _straighten_ _me_ _out_ in other ways?"

Kunzite smile vanished. "What do you mean?"

"You know exactly what I meant by my little double entendre," Zoisite said. "But you're right. It'll probably be for the best. After all, I won't remember a thing about us and all the things we've shared together. But you will."

Kunzite staggered backward.

_Ha! Direct hit._ "Once I'm _reformed_ we could go cruising for women together. I'll bet I go home with twice as many as you. Who knows? I might meet someone special and you could be the best man at my wedding."

Kunzite gasped. "It's going to be hard for you to marry someone after I chop off her head."

Metalia's voice radiated through the walls again. "ZOISITE. THIS IS YOUR LAST WARNING. PRESENT YOURSELF IN MY CHAMBERS AT ONCE OR I WON'T SHOW YOU ANY MERCY."

Zoisite put his head down and ignored everything so he could run as fast as he could. Ahead he saw something that might have been a portal. Or perhaps a decontamination booth. He should have paid more attention to the distinctions between them. He ran, then stopped short with a scream as a projection of Metalia's shadowy face appeared in front of him.

"KUNZITE! FIND OUT WHERE ZOISITE IS HIDING AND BRING HIM TO ME."

"At once, my queen," Kunzite said in a voice that sounded frighteningly close. An instant later strong arms closed around Zoisite's waist and chest and lifted him off his feet.

He squirmed and kicked at Kunzite's shins. "No! Don't do this! Please don't do this!"

Being dragged to his doom was one thing, but being hauled off to it by Kunzite was too horrible for his mind to accept. Yet Kunzite still wore his cruel smile as he sighed dramatically. "Believe me, Zoisite. This is going to hurt me a lot more than it does you."

Zoisite bent his head down and sank his teeth into Kunzite's wrist just to make certain of that.

Kunzite didn't even flinch, he just tightened his hold on Zoisite until the pink flash of teleportation carried them away. Zoisite blinked then the air became of and humid and smelled of saltwater. The ground beneath Zoisite's bare feet felt rough and sandy.

Bare feet?

Zoisite extracted his teeth from Kunzite's glove and looked around. He was on a hilltop overlooking an ocean. The rocks and sand around him were a solid volcanic black and spotted with ferns and orchids, lining a stream that meandered from a waterfall to the black sand beach below. Warm rain drizzled down just hard enough to create a rainbow spanning the horizon.

His uniform had vanished. He wore swim trunks. He still held Beryl's scepter, but that was the only thing he had with him from the Dark Kingdom. He spun around. Kunzite stood dressed in his full uniform, using dark energy to repair the holes at his wrist.

"Where are we?"

"In the middle of nowhere."

Zoisite turned back around and stared at the beach below. His first instinct was that none of it was real, it was all an illusion Kunzite conjured up to keep him calm while Metalia tampered with his brain. Then he noticed the beach was dotted with trash and tourists. Near his feet was a beach tote with a towel, sunscreen, wallet, passport, room key…

"This place…it's real."

"Of course it's real."

Zoisite's mind reeled in shock. He struggled to think of something coherent to say. "It's so humid. My hair is going to poof up."

Kunzite narrowed his eyes. "You've got much bigger problems right now than a poofy ponytail."

Zoisite spun to face Kunzite. "You said you'd turn me over to Metalia."

"I lied. Metalia doesn't know it yet. She tracks us by our energy signatures. At the moment all the dark energy you have could fit in a thimble. She can't find you."

"No, but she can find you. And she can look into your mind. When she does, she'll know that you hid me from her."

"That's why I can never go back to her."

The words shook Zoisite to his core. Zoisite had never felt any real loyalty to Metalia. He served her only because his obsessive love for Kunzite consumed him body and soul. For Kunzite, it was different. He actually revered Metalia. Worshipped her as his goddess. And yet here he was, renouncing his vows to Metalia to keep Zoisite out of her grasp.

Did this mean Kunzite loved him?

It had to.

Unless Kunzite was trying to deceive him.

He narrowed his green eyes. "Wait a minute. If you've defected from the Dark Kingdom, why are you still wearing your uniform?"

"It's because we still have work to do. I'd sent Oniwabandana to spy on the senshi. She tells me Sailor Moon has been fighting with the others to the point where they are no longer able to work together as a team. We've both looked into it and it is clearly a ruse."

"So, what does this have to do with us?"

"Sailor Moon claims she wants to change her allegiances. This will give us a perfect opportunity to lure her over to our side."

"But you've said it yourself. This is clearly a trap."

"It doesn't matter. As long as she thinks we're fooled, she'll listen to what I have to tell her, without attacking or fleeing. We haven't got a lot of time. In a few weeks you'll have regenerated enough energy to for Metalia to find you, and when she does, she'll make an example of us both. Sailor Moon has set up a meeting with Oniwabandana at 11:00 in Tokyo. Which is in approximately twenty-seven minutes. I intend to form a temporary alliance with the senshi so we can work together toward our common objective."

"And what is our common objective?"

"Destroying Metalia once and for all."

The words, once spoken aloud, hung heavy between them.

_He does love me_, Zoisite realized. _There is no other explanation. Unless…_

…Kunzite had his own reasons for killing Metalia that Zoisite didn't know about.

Zoisite gestured at his beach attire. "So, if we're going to meet with Sailor Moon in a half an hour, why am I dressed like this?"

Kunzite took hold of his arms, smirked, and leaned closer tilting his head to the side. "Because…"

Zoisite leaned closer, liking where this was going. "Because of what?"

Kunzite pulled Zoisite close and kissed him deeply. Zoisite tried to fight off his own desire but found himself putting his arm behind Kunzite's neck and kissing him back just as hard.

_Take me,Kunzaito-sama, _he thought_. Right here. Out in the open._

He hated himself for thinking that.

_I'm weak,_ _I have no willpower. I swore I wouldn't do this, yet, all he has to do is kiss me and I melt faster than chocolate. I'm nothing but a slave to my passion for him, and now he knows it for a fact._

Still, in light of Kunzite's recent actions, Zoisite felt justified in his weakness. That was until Kunzite yanked Beryl's orb from his hand and broke off the kiss with a cruel sneer.

"Because, Zoisite, you're not coming with me."

And with that Kunzite teleported away in a pink flash.

For a minute Zoisite just stood there. Alone and defenseless. Then he yelled into the empty air. "Damnit, Kunzite! You are such a jerk!"


	10. Chapter 10

Kunzite stood on the top of a clock tower, far out of range of any of Sailor Moon's attacks. Below, he could see Sailor Moon conversing with Oniwabandana in her boho human tabloid journalist disguise. He could also see the rest of the senshi hiding in the bushes just a short distance away.

He shook his head sadly. He was gambling Zoisite's life on a quintet of dizzy schoolgirls vs. a goddess. Perhaps he really should just go down there and steal the crystal after all.

No. These girls had the devil's own luck. If he attacked, he just knew by some miracle she'd master the Silver Crystal and manage to defeat him. Zoisite wouldn't know what happened until Metalia showed up to claim his life.

He'd play this gambit with an overabundance of caution. As many pawns as he could put between himself and the Dark Kingdom the better. Below Oniwabandana spun into her youma form with its long gray hair, corpse skin, and ninja garb. Sailor Moon looked up at the clock tower. "Kunzite! Meeting you was not part of the agreement! I'm about to be interviewed!"

"Ba banan! That's not happening," Oniwabandana informed her.

"Huh? Really?" Sailor Moon cried in mock indignation.

Kunzite decided to play along with Sailor Moon's ruse. "So you broke off from the other senshi? What do you say? If you join us you can see Endymion any time you want."

Sailor Moon raised her fist. "Don't be ridiculous. I'm the pretty sailor who fights for love and justice."

Silly girl. He looked away demurely. "Right now certain constrains are keeping Endymion from moving."

Sailor Moon gasped. "What? Is he sick?"

"Well, who knows," he looked up. "One thing's for sure, he'd be delighted to see you. Perhaps asking you to join us would be an impossible task. How about simply coming to meet Endymion?"

"You'll take me to see him?"

"Of course, but on one condition."

"Condition?"

Kunzite teleported to appear before Sailor Moon. "Hand over the Silver Crystal."

Granted, he didn't expect her to actually do it. Although if she did, that would have thrilled him beyond his wildest dreams. He merely wanted to see where her eyes darted to, so he'd know where to expect the only attack that could potentially kill him.

Sure enough, her eyes darted to the bushes where her friends hid. Behind his back. Damn. Oniwabandana was watching for signs of ambush, but the thought of that much firepower aimed at his spine made him nervous.

Time to end the charade. "I like your resolve, but you're not going to get far without the Moon Crystal. I think you'll want to call your friends out of the bushes to join you."

The girl broke into a sweat. "I don't know what you mean. What friends? I don't have any friends."

Kunzite sighed. "You really need to work on your acting skills. As much as I'd like to stand here and play make-believe games with you, I haven't much time to waste on this. So unless your friends step out of the bushes to where I can see them, I'll teleport away and let Oniwabandana torture you until they show themselves."

"Fine," a haughty voice said behind him. He turned and watched Sailor Mars emerge from the bushes, followed by the others. "Return Tuxedo Mask to us at once or prepare to face our wrath."

Kunzite looked them over dismissively. "You're joking, right? You honestly think you can defeat me?"

"I've done it before," Venus said.

"You snuck up on me and scraped my knuckles right before I was ordered to retreat. I wouldn't exactly count that as a defeat."

Mars grinned. "Oh, yeah, well I guess there is a first time for everything. FIRE SOUL!"

Kunzite teleported away at the last second. Oniwabandana screamed as she took the full blast. She staggered and rubbed the scorch mark on her arm.

Damn. He needed to stop doing that.

"SUPREME THUNDER!"

"CRESENT BEAM!"

"FIRE SOUL!"

To their credit, Sailor Moon and Sailor Mercury just stood there with an I-don't-know-these-girls expression on their faces. Kunzite levitated and the attacks were absorbed by his dark energy sphere.

"Our attacks…did nothing," Sailor Jupiter said in awe.

"On the contrary," Kunzite said. "I've absorbed your energy so now I'm stronger than before. Would you care to stop this idiocy now so we can work out a temporary alliance?"

"Don't listen to him. It's a trap," Sailor Mars cried out.

Kunzite stared at Sailor Mars. "Or I can start killing you one by one until the survivors are ready to talk."

He summoned a ball of dark energy and Sailor Mars cringed in fear. "Er, I suppose it wouldn't hurt to let you have your say."

He banished the ball of energy and gestured for them to gather round. "Listen carefully because I'm only going to say this once. Queen Beryl is dead. She died in an accident while trying to execute Zoisite. Zoisite survived the attempt on his life, but he was badly injured and has been drained of his powers— "

"Good," Sailor Mars said.

Kunzite gave her a cross look.

"I meant 'good' that he's badly injured and drained of his powers. Not 'good' that he survived."

The others chuckled and agreed.

"As I was saying, Queen Metalia has only recently become aware of this situation and will punish him when she finds him. You," he pointed at Sailor Moon, "need to use your Silver Crystal to destroy Queen Metalia before she has a chance to harm him."

"Why should I care what happens to Zoisite?" Sailor Moon said. "He tried to kill my boyfriend."

Sailor Mars nodded. "Mine too." With that, the girls erupted into a chorus of shouts.

"And mine."

"He tried to kill two of mine."

"Hell, he tried to kill my grandfather."

"I don't have a boyfriend, and I hardly know him, but I'm sure it's only a matter of time."

"He actually did kill Naru's boyfriend, right in front of her."

Kunzite yelled over them to get their attention. "Enough. I am aware each of you have your reasons to think unkindly of Zoisite. I'll have you know that while his actions might seem cruel, he was only acting on my orders. He is entirely without malice toward you. If he has harmed anyone, it is only because it was the best way to achieve his objectives."

"I guess that makes it okay then," Mars said sarcastically.

Kunzite grabbed her by the throat and lifted her off her feet. "My point is Zoisite's not the one you have to be afraid of. He's not a sadist. I am. I've told you he's defenseless, but only because he'll be joining us, and I don't want him hurt because of a mistunderstanding. If any of you Barbie Dolls throws so much as a Bubble Spray in his direction, I will slaughter all of your boyfriends, and then I will hunt down your families. Do I make myself clear?"

The others nodded so he set Sailor Mars down.

"So if we help you, what do we get in return?" Sailor Jupiter asked.

"You get to save the world. You also get Endymion back. Trust me, you are getting the better of this bargain. It's rather fortunate for you that we have a common enemy since I wouldn't be doing this for anyone but Zoisite."

"Aw," Venus said. "You seem to care for him. What is he, your sidekick?"

"Not all at," Kunzite said.

"Excuse me, Mr. Kunzite," Mercury said. "If Zoisite is defenseless, why are we bringing him along?"

"So I can watch over him. And because he's resourceful. If we go against Metalia we'll need all the help we can get." _And because once he sees what I'm willing to do for him, he'll finally shut up about Beryl and take me back, _Kunzite thought, but he certainly wasn't going to say that aloud.

Mercury persisted. "But if Metalia is after him, won't he be a liability?"

"I'm perfectly capable of protecting Zoisite on my own. You just worry about yourselves, and using the Silver Crystal to defeat Metalia and cure Endymion. Do we have an agreement?"

The girls nodded, albeit reluctantly, so he opened a portal to the Arctic Circle, just outside the Dark Kingdom.

Sailor Moon gasped as icy wind from the dark portal buffeted her hair and uniform. "This is—"

"It's the entryway to the Dark Kingdom."

"Huh? Th-that's creepy."

"Want to turn back?"

Sailor Moon cringed. "I'm going! You're so mean. Just like Sailor Mars." She turned back to the portal. "Tuxedo Mask. I'm coming for you."


	11. Chapter 11

They emerged in the Arctic Circle, sheltered under an opaque dome of Dark Energy.

Sailor Moon shivered as her teeth chattered. "It's freezing. How can you even stand it?"

"Shut up," Sailor Mars said. "Pull yourself together and you won't feel the cold!"

"I can't help it. It's freezing."

Sailor Mercury looked up from her computer. "We're not off to a great start are we?" She pointed the north. "There's a strong evil aura coming from over there."

"That's the entrance to the Dark Kingdom." Kunzite said. "The very walls are imbibed with Metalia's essense. This is as close as I can get us. As soon as I drop the shield, Queen Metalia will be aware of our presence, but she can't leave the Dark Kingdom. That's our only saving grace. You'll need to invoke the power of the Silver Crystal, and project that power right at the very threshold. To go there I will have drop the shield. Let me know when you are ready to proceed."

Sailor Moon looked to the others. "We're ready," she said.

In a flash Zoisite appeared in front of Kunzite, slightly disoriented and looking down at his own uniform.

"Looks like you got a bit of sunburn," Kunzite said, and tapped the bridge of Zoisite's nose.

"Oh, be quiet. I'm mad at you," Zoisite said and deliberately turned his back to Kunzite.

Kunzite grinned and pulled him close. "You don't sound mad."

"Yes, well…I am! I'm furious." Zoisite tried without success to fight off a smile.

"Awww," Sailor Moon said. "That's so cute. You two are so close you must be brothers."

Zoisite nodded. "Hence the strong family resemblance."

"Actually you two don't look alike at all," Sailor Venus said.

"That's because we aren't brothers," Zoisite said.

"Stay close to me, Zoisite," Kunzite said. "I'll have to drop the shield so that the senshi can get close enough to use the crystal. As soon as I do, I have little doubt Queen Metalia will launch a full scale attack."

"Wait. I thought you said she can't leave the Dark Kingdom," Sailor Mercury said.

Kunzite pulled Zoisite closer. "No, but Metalia will undoubtedly send out a party to greet us. You'll need to be prepared for a fight. Are you certain you are ready for this?"

The senshi struck their battle poses and nodded one by one.

Kunzite lowered the shield, and a wave of dark energy washed over them with a clang.

"Here they come," Sailor Jupiter said under her breath.

Out of the mist Endymion appeared, beaten bloody and suspended by the wrists by two chains. "Help me…Sailor Moon," the battered man muttered weakly.

"Tuxedo Mask…" Sailor Moon said and rushed forward.

Kunzite swallowed hard and raised the shield again. "You aren't ready."

"But Tuxedo Mask-"

"Is not here," Kunzite said. "It is an illusion."

Sailor Mercury looked up from her computer and nodded in agreement.

"The DD Girls?" Zoisite asked with an edge of fear in his voice.

Kunzite nodded. "The DD Girls."

"Who are the DD Girls?" Sailor Jupiter asked.

"They're a lot like you girls, only a lot more powerful," Kunzite said.

"And they can fly," Zoisite added.

"And their leader can project illusions that do real damage."

"And they can travel through ice."

"And their arms turn into steel-hard tentacles that can stretch about thirty feet."

"And they have fangs."

"Let's just say you're lucky they can't survive outside of the Arctic Circle, or else you girls would have been dead a long time ago."

Sailor Moon wrung her hands. "But they aren't more powerful than you, Kunzite. Are they?"

"Of course not. I'm an archdemon. Just like Beryl."

"And you'll help us defeat them, won't you?"

"I'll try, but they are really fast and completely ruthless," He looked over the senshi. "Odds are, not all of you are going to survive this. Not once they drop the illusions and go into full attack mode. You might want to pretend to be fooled by the illusions to buy us some time."

"Knowing Usagi, she won't have to pretend," Sailor Mars said, and the two stuck their tongues out at each other.

"Is everyone ready?" Kunzite asked.

The senshi struck their battle poses again, only a bit more unsteady this time. "R-ready!"

Kunzite banished the shield again, to reveal Tuxedo Mask.

"S-sailor Moon…I love you."

Sailor Moon ran forward. He grinned and his eyes glowed red. Zoisite put his fingers in his mouth and whistled to attract his attention.

Tuxedo Mask stared at Zoisite and Zoisite stepped away from Kunzite, scowling, with his chest thrust out.

"Alright ladies, excellent work, but I command you to show yourselves."

Tuxedo Mask vanished, and in his place stood a woman. She looked like a Bond Girl in a swimsuit and spiked heels, only her skin was blue. She had wasp wings on her back, and bird wings where her eyebrows should have been. She giggled and then four other matching girls fanned out behind her like a poker hand, each with skin of another shade of gumball.

"Here inside Point D, you girls don't stand a chance against us!" the leader taunted.

Zoisite strutted forward and waved his hand dismissively. "No need to trouble yourselves, ladies. Kunzite and I have these sailor brats under control. I command you to leave and allow us to deal with this ourselves."

The winged women bowed and their leader spoke. "My Queen, at any other time we'd be yours to command, but we've been instructed by Queen Metalia herself not to obey you, since you are currently under the influence of that conniving little puppetmaster Zoisite."

Zoisite jerked his thumb over his shoulder. "I think you ladies need to worry less about that conniving little puppetmaster Zoisite, and more about that huge army rapidly approaching us from fifteen miles due south."

The DD Girls took the air and flew due south. Zoisite watched until they vanished over the horizon then turned back to the others with an awed expression on his face. "I didn't think that would actually work."

Kunzite smiled proudly and tucked Zoisite under his arm again. "See, I told you he was clever," he ran his hand down the side of Zoisite's body, from chest to hip and leered at the younger man. "Beauty and brains. Zoisite here is the total package."

Five senshi jaws dropped in unison.

Sailor Jupiter. "Wait. You guys are...boyfriends?"

"More like ex-boyfriends," Zoisite said.

"Oh, my goodness. Kunzite is gay?" Venus asked in stunned disbelief.

"Yes. We both are," Zoisite said.

Sailor Mars scoffed. "Yes, well, finding out you're gay isn't exactly a bombshell revelation, Tinkerbell."

"You do make a beautiful couple," Sailor Mercury said.

"Thank you," Zoisite said, basking in the gentle compliment.

Sailor Moon giggled happily. "We'd better press on, before those winged monsters come back."


	12. Chapter 12

They had gotten no more than a dozen steps before a huge volcanic crater appeared through the fog and snow, emitting purple fumes.

"The Dark Kingdom," Kunzite said.

The girls around him tensed as a figure approached, his red cape whipping in the wind. As it came into focus Sailor Moon gasped as she recognized Endymion with a sword and armor. His eyes glowed red. Jadeite followed him with an evil grin, but stopped a safe distance away.

"Tuxedo Mask," Sailor Moon said with mixed emotions.

Endymion ignored her and kneeled as close as he could get to Zoisite. "My queen."

"Maybe that's not really my Mamo-chan," Sailor Moon said under her breath. "It might be another illusion."

Sailor Mercury looked up from her computer. "I'm afraid it really is him. Only there is a dark energy completely enveloping him. Look," she turned the screen to reveal a human frame surrounded by a huge monster shaped shadow. "This probably explains why his eyes are red."

Zoisite batted his long lashes. "If you love me you'll surrender to the senshi now, so that no harm comes to either one of us."

"Fear not, my damsel. I'm here to kill the princess. You just stand there and think of ways you can reward me later." Endymion made an obscene gesture and gave Zoisite a lascivious wink.

"Oh, hell no!" Sailor Mars shouted. "It's bad enough losing my boyfriend to Usagi. I'm sure as hell not losing him to Zoisite!"

"Queen Metalia," Kunzite murmured in a reverent tone. "She must have magnified her influence over him."

"What does that mean?" Sailor Moon asked.

Endymion narrowed his eyes. "It means I'm going to kill Sailor Moon and rescue my beloved Queen Beryl from you girly band of do-gooders."

"Not if we have anything to say about it," Sailor Venus said, putting herself between Endymion and Sailor Moon.

His eyes faded from red to a dazed blue. "I have no interest in killing the rest of you. I challenge Princess Serenity to a fight to the death. Single combat. No weapons or magic except what we bring with us into the ring. If Sailor Moon wins, I die, and Jadeite will leave you in peace. If you lose, Sailor Moon dies and the rest of you can fight or flee as you see fit. Do you agree to these terms, Sailor Moon?"

"I don't have a sword," Sailor Moon said.

Kunzite drew his sword and tossed it so that it landed point down in the snow in front of Sailor Moon.

She looked at the sword with big blue eyes. "Let me talk it over with my colleagues."

They formed a huddle. "What do you think? Should I accept?" Sailor Moon asked.

"Of course not, Sailor Mars whispered. "That would be stupid."

"I agree," Sailor Venus whispered. "Right now, we have the advantage. Even if Jadeite joins him, they'll still be outnumbered seven to two. Kunzite, you could handle Jadeite on your own, right?"

Zoisite giggled. "Easily."

Sailor Mercury whispered. "We senshi should focus all our powers on Tuxedo Mask, while Kunzite deals with Jadeite."

Kunzite nodded. "Except, agreeing to single combat would be the best way to resolve this without bloodshed."

The others looked up at him.

"Tuxedo Mask draws his power from being Sailor Moon's protector. As you well know, he is always summoned to her side whenever she is in mortal danger. For him to physically harm her in single combat would be a paradox."

"Right!" Sailor Moon said. "So he can't possible win against me!"

Sailor Jupiter sighed. "I don't know. I don't feel comfortable gambling Sailor Moon's life away when we aren't completely sure what we are up against."

"I concur," Sailor Mercury said.

Zoisite nodded. "Me too! It's too risky. Plus, if we go up against Endymion, I want to get in a few good kicks to his head before Sailor Moon has a chance to heal him the Silver Crystal."

"No way!" Sailor Moon turned around. "That does it. I agree to single combat."

Endymion grinned. "I was hoping you'd say that," A glowing pentacle appeared spanning twenty feet. He stood to one side of it and posed in a fighter's stance. "Take up your sword and step into the circle."

Sailor Moon pulled the sword from the snow, stood at the opposite side of the circle, and held the sword up in front of her.

Endymion rolled his eyes and dropped his sword arm to his side. "No, no, no. You're holding your sword like a baseball bat. Here, let me show you."

Jadeite clutched his head and groaned. "Here we go again."

Endymion sheathed his own sword and went over to take the sword from Sailor Moon's hand. "You don't grab the hilt in your fist, you want to drape it so it caresses your wrist to become an extension of your arm. Like so." He laid it at a diagonal and closed her two fingers on it.

Sailor Moon giggled. "This feels weird."

"Only because you're not used to it. Trust me, this will give you a much greater range of motion," He moved her arm about to demonstrate. "Also your stance is completely wrong. You'll want your feet to form a letter T to give you better stability, while your shoulders should be turned in profile to provide better reach and present a smaller target to your opponent."

Jadeite rolled his eyes. "Oh for hell's sake, just kill her already!"

"Be quiet," Endymion said. "We're trying to concentrate." He looked to Sailor Moon. "Got it?"

"I think so."

"Good. Now take a couple practice swings until you get the hang of it."

The sword swished through the air a few times. "You're right. This works a lot better than I thought it would."

"I told you so," Endymion said. "Sword fighting's all a matter of proper technique. If you're looking for a free-for-all, you're better off using a dagger."

Sailor Moon smiled. "Good to know. Thanks for the help."

"Don't mention it. We should get started."

They took their places at the opposite side of the ring.

"Ready to die now?"

"I suppose," Sailor Moon said. Then held up one hand. "No wait. This sword stuff is too complicated. I'll never remember it all." She tossed the sword out of the ring. "I think I'll stick with my Moon Stick."

Endymion shrugged. "It's your funeral."

"Okay, I'm really ready this time."

Endymion let out a savage warcry and leapt about ten feet into the air, drawing the sword in midflight. Sailor Moon screamed and rolled to the side as the blade sliced into the ice where she had been just a second before.

The senshi gasped.

Zoisite stared at Kunzite. "I thought you said Tuxedo Mask can't use lethal force against Sailor Moon."

Kunzite pulled him close and wrapped his arms around him. "Patience, my pet. Just watch."

Sailor Moon drew her moon stick and pointed it at Endymion. "Moon Healing Escalation!"

Endymion watched as the sparking magic flowed over him. It seemed to have no effect. He leapt into the air again and came down by her side, swinging his sword at her so she had to dive away to dodge it. She fell hard, and the Moon Stick clattered to the ice at her side.

The other senshi screamed and ran to the circle and beat their fists against an invisible barrier.

Endymion wagged his finger at them. "Now, now girls. You'll get your turn soon enough."

Zoisite clutched at Kunzite. "The Silver Crystal. It didn't do anything!"

Kunzite nodded. "She has to soften him up first. She can't just cleanse a foe of demonic influence against his will while he's at full strength. That's not how the Moon Stick works. He has to be injured or stunned enough not to resist its powers."

Endymion turned back to the injured girl. "Sailor Moon," he summoned a black rose from thin air, "die."

Endymion tossed the rose at her and as it landed on her chest it turned into cords that wrapped around her torso. Sailor Moon screamed as the cords became electrified.

In the background Jadeite hollered and did a fist pump.

Zoisite clutched Kunzite harder. "I thought you said Endymion couldn't harm her!"

Kunzite stroked his hair and whispered into his ear. "It's called lying, Zoisite."

Zoisite looked up at Kunzite with horror, "Wait. You knew this would happen?"

Kunzite smiled with sadistic glee and stroked his cheek. "I didn't know it for a fact, but I had a pretty good idea."

Fire and lightning crashed against the circle with no effect. Sailor Mars and Sailor Jupiter backed away in tears.

"Sailor Mercury," Sailor Venus called. "Use your computer to find a way to help her."

"I've tried," Sailor Mercury wailed. "There is nothing we can do."

"Mamoru," Sailor Moon murmured. She screamed again before she fainted and the bonds dissolved. Endymion approached with his sword drawn. The whole time, the senshi screamed in outrage, but could do nothing to help her.

"We should do something," Zoisite whispered to Kunzite. "Sailor Moon is losing."

Kunzite petted his hair. "Yes, isn't it wonderful?"

"Mamoru," Sailor Moon repeated. He looked at her with cool soulless eyes before he gave her a kick that sent her flying. Then he picked her up by the throat, held her up, and shocked her some more.

Behind them, Jadeite cheered.

"I think we should help her," Zoisite said.

Kunzite used telepathy to speak directly into Zoisite's mind. _Lesson 1073-when your enemies are killing one another, it's never a good idea to interrupt them._

_But this is too horrible. Even for me. Endymion shouldn't be allowed to defeat her._

_Why not? Sailor Moon will never forgive you for what you did to Nephrite. Why do you want to see her win?_

_It's not that I want her to win. I want to watch Endymion lose!_

After a while Endymion tossed Sailor Moon aside and she landed with her fingers inches from the Moon Stick with its Silver Crystal. She stretched her hand out but couldn't quite reach it. Endymion raised his sword high over his head to deliver a killing blow.

Kunzite held Zoisite._ Don't worry. After Endymion kills Sailor Moon, the other girls will tear him apart like the furies. I'll take the Moon Crystal and kill whoever is left standing. Including Jadeite. I will reshape the world, with you by my side as my consort. It's that what you've always wanted?_

Zoisite shook his head. _That's your fantasy, not mine. All my fantasies involve a lot of nudity._

Sailor Moon flung her tiara at Endymion and he staggered and fell. Sailor Moon sat up and gasped in horror as the light faded from Endymion's eyes.

Jadeite gasped and chewed his nails.

Then the light in the prince's eyes flared up again and Endymion rose to his feet, clutching his chest and screaming in pain.

"Hey! That's cheating," Zoisite shouted. "He's cheating. There is no way he could survive that without Metalia's interference."

"Shut up, Beryl, you traitor!" Jadeite shouted. "Whose side are you on anyway."

Zoisite paused. That was an excellent question. On the one hand he knew he shouldn't care about the outcome of this battle, but on the other hand he knew what it was like to be ruled by his heart. Just like Sailor Moon. They were both slaves to their great love. So to have that passion corrupted and used again her…in that respect he had a lot of sympathy.

Endymion's screams stopped and his eyes filled with a murderous rage. "SAILOR MOON."

"STOP IT," she cried, while the senshi screamed, and Jadeite hopped from foot to foot, giddy with excitement.

Endymion raised the sword over his head again. "DIE!"

"STOP IT!" Sailor Moon screamed again and pulled a pocket watch from her cleavage. She opened the watch and a tune chimed from it.

They stayed frozen in place as a haunting melody played.

"Please. Try to remember," she begged. "It's me. Serenity. Long ago, we pledged our love. I am Serenity of the Moon Kingdom."

Endymion roared. "Those who defy the Dark Kingdom must die."

"You've been poisoned by bad energy. Please return to the kindhearted person you used to be. I don't want to do this. I don't want to fight you." She gave him a gentle smile as he lowered the sword. "Please,"

He bent down to touch the watch, and his body was surrounded by a bright glow. Endymion screamed as the dark energy was whisked from his body. He dropped the sword and sank to his knees at her feet. She caught him in her arms and a red rose fell over his sword.

"Usagi. Thank you."

"Mamoru. Thank goodness."

They leaned in for a kiss.

Then a bolt of Dark Magic struck Endymion from below. His eyes glowed red and he reached for his sword. Sailor Moon scrambled for her Moon Stick, but it was clear Endymion was back at full strength, neither stunned nor injured.

Zoisite pulled away from Kunzite. "Hey! That's not fair! Sailor Moon has won already!"

Kunzite tried to pull him back by his arm. _Stop. This isn't your fight._

Zoisite wriggled out of his jacket to free himself from Kunzite. "This is too cruel. It's completely unfair. If Metalia is allowed to keep reviving Endymion like this, they'll just keep going until she's too exhausted to fight back."

_Just stay out of it._

"The hell I will!" Zoisite threw his gloves at the snow. "Being evil is one thing, but I'm sick and tired of seeing the Dark Kingdom trample all over true love."

_Zoisite? Get back here! You're making me lose my temper._

Zoiste gripped the hem of his undershirt and walked to the edge of the ring. _Metallia doesn't like to fight fair? Well neither do I._

_Zoisite, you little whore, you don't have your powers and even if you did, you can't get inside the ring. You can't do anything._

"Wanna bet?" Zoisite turned the ring where Sailor Moon clutched the Moon Stick weakly while Endymion raised his sword to lop off her head. "Hey Endymion!" He raised his shirt up to his chin. "Feast your eyes on these puppies!"

Endymion froze in place, his mouth open and his eyes bugging out of his head. The sword dropped from his fingers to land in the snow.

"Now!" Zoisite shouted. "While he's completely stunned!"

Sailor moon smiled and raised her Moon Stick.

"MOON HEALING ESCALATION."


	13. Chapter 13

"REFRESH," Endymion cried out and then sank to his knees as the pentacle vanished.

"Careful," Sailor Venus said. "It could be a trick."

Tuxedo Mask blinked and averted his eyes. "Zoisite, cover up that scrawny chest of yours! Nobody wants to see that."

Sailor Moon giggled. "Nope, not a trick." She rushed to Tuxedo Mask and fell into his arms. "Mamo-chan."

"Usako."

They kissed passionately while Sailor Mars looked away and Jadeite snarled and clenched his fists.

"Go ahead and start crying, ladies, because you're about to face a real man," he levitated. "Witness my power as I send you all to hell."

"Give it up, Jadeite," Sailor Jupiter said. "We have you outnumbered eight to one."

Jadeite laughed. "Yes, but six of you are chicks, and the rest are pansies."

Zoisite balled up his fists. "Why, you ingrate! Kunzaito-sama is no pansy! You're nothing but trouble. I should have never rescued you from the eternal sleep!"

"Silence, you red-headed wench! Flashing your funbags for the enemy like a common hussy. You are a disgrace to your kingdom!"

"Give it up, Jadeite," Sailor Venus reiterated. "We have you outnumbered eight to one."

"More like six to one," Kunzite snarled and grabbed Zoisite by the arm none too gently. "Zoisite and I are going for a long walk."

"But don't you want to see this through?" Sailor Moon asked.

Kunzite didn't even turn around. "I think we've done more than enough for you girls already," he said and dragged Zoisite off into the haze.

"Fine!" Sailor Mars shouted after them. "We didn't want the Dark Kingdom gestapo helping us anyway!"

"Give up, Jadeite," Sailor Venus corrected. "We have you outnumbered six to one."

"Yeah," Sailor Moon said. "And you couldn't even win when it was just me and a peptalk from Tuxedo Mask."

Jadeite laughed. "Even then you needed a man to help you."

Sailor Jupiter winked. "Let's blast this male chauvinist pig back to the stone age where he belongs."

The senshi joined hands. "SAILOR ANTI-MISOGYNIST ATTACK!"

A blast of light sent Jadeite flying into the stratosphere.

"Girl power!" They shouted and gave each other high fives as he plummeted back to earth like a falling star.

He fell into the ice with a crash then staggered to pull himself up, more dead than alive. "H-how can I be defeated by a bunch of school girls?"

"Face it, you suck!" Sailor Mercury shouted.

Jadeite whimpered and rose to his knees and watched the celebration with impotent fury. "QUEEN METALIA, LEND ME YOUR POWERS!"

The sailor senshi stopped cheering as Jadeite sank through the ice, leaving a solid surface behind in his wake.

"Uh-oh," Sailor Jupiter said. "Something tells me this isn't good."


	14. Chapter 14

The ground shook and a crater appeared in the ice where Jadeite had fallen. Scattered rays of bright light shot out of it, followed by a cyclone of pure blackness. Dark lightning crackled around its edges, until it faded into a mist of ghostly light. A gigantic dark bubble formed on the ice, which opened like a tulip, revealing a 250-foot tall woman dressed in a slinky silver uniform and black go-go boots. She had blue skin and short green hair that floated up from her head like a flame.

"The time has come to imbue all living creatures in the universe with hatred and greed," a watery voice said.

The voice rose to a soprano. "The dark energy is mine at last. I will rule this world!" She laughed like a fiend, but the laughter ended abruptly when she looked down at her chest. "What a minute. What the hell are these? Why do I have breasts?"

"Because you're a woman now," said the watery voice.

"Why am I a woman?" the soprano voice became shrill.

"What's wrong with being a woman?"

"What's ISN'T wrong with being a woman!" she screamed in soprano.

"Jadeite! Your body was just a bag of broken bones. I took the liberty of reshaping it in my own image," said the watery voice.

"And you call that an improvement?"

"Fine! If you're going to be a little bitch about it, I'll turn you back into a boy. AFTER you've killed every living creature but yourself."

Sailor Mercury whispered in Sailor Moon's ear. "I think you'd better use the Silver Crystal. Quickly. Before Super Jadeite finishes fighting with himself and embraces his inner goddess."

"Good idea," Sailor Moon said and held up her Moon Stick.

"No, not a good idea!" Luna said as she teleported in out of nowhere. "If you unleash the power of the Silver Crystal, you'll die! Just the way Queen Serenity did!"

Sailor Moon lowered the Moon Stick. "Oh, now you tell me this. Talk about bad timing."

"So how do we defeat Metalia without using the Silver Crystal," Sailor Jupiter asked.

"You can't."

"And what happens if Metalia wins?" Sailor Venus asked.

"The whole world dies."

"So why can't she use the Silver Crystal?" Sailor Mars asked. "From the way you explain it she'll be dead no matter what."

"Yes, but we'll be dead too, so we wouldn't have to carry around the guilt of watching her make the ultimate sacrifice on our behalf."

Sailor Mars flushed and looked down. "Oh, yeah, you do have a point."

Sailor Moon forced a giggle. "Pshaw, I'm the Moon Princess. This is what I do."

She gave Tuxedo Mask a peck on the cheek. "Goodbye, my love." Sailor Moon raised the Moon Stick.

"Wait," Sailor Mercury said. "What would happen if we placed our hands over Sailor Moon's and invoked our powers at the same time she invokes the Silver Crystal?"

Luna blinked. "I don't know. Nobody's been foolhardy enough to try that before. My guess is you'll all die."

"But that's just a guess, right?" Sailor Mars asked. "Good enough for me." She placed her hand over Sailor Moon's and the others followed suit, while Tuxedo Mask hugged his arms around Sailor Moon's midsection.

"MOON HEALING ESCALATION!"

"Mercury Power!"

"Venus Power!"

"Earth Power!"

"Mars Power!"

"Jupiter Power!"

"Moon Prism Power!"

Sailor Moon found herself wearing a white gown trimmed with gold. The Silver Crystal shimmered, sending up flecks of colored light from its facets.

A band of crackling energy appeared between Super Jadeite's hands. "Princess, die!"

The dark energy shot toward Sailor Moon at the same time the Silver Crystal sparkled and pulsing waves of pink and gold energy shot out of the Moon Stick. For several moments the forces collided, forming a straining force field of pure energy midway between then.

"Why? Why must you defy me?" The soprano voice asked harshly. "You dream of a lovely future. Ultimately you will realize that this world is already ugly and full of filth."

"No, I have faith!" Sailor Moon said. "Faith in this world I am sworn to protect. If two scumbags like Kunzite and Zoisite can find true love, there is hope for everyone!"

"Fool. There is nothing to believe in this putrid world!" Super Jadeite intensified the power behind his attack.

Sailor Moon staggered under the force of the assault, buckling under the strain, but then balls of magenta light flowed in from each of the respective planets forming an orb of fuchsia light around the senshi.

The orb of light rose above the senshi, blinking black and pink, to drift like a bubble to Super Jadeite. He screamed as it touched his outstretched hands, then engulfed his wrists, then swallowed him entirely until he appeared to be nothing more than a gigantic silhouette in a purple sphere. Then the screams faded as the globe shrunk until Jadeite staggered out of it as a woman of normal height in a gray uniform and jackboots with bobbed blond hair. He clutched the snow as he flickered between being a woman, to a black shadow with gaping red eyes and mouth, to back to a woman again, and so on and so forth.

"What's happening to him?" Sailor Moon asked.

"Jadeite is reverting to his primordial spirit form," Luna explained.

"Why?" she asked.

"Demons are not mortals in the same sense we are. Their bodies are merely anchors that tie them to this world. They can't be killed so much as banished back to the demon plains to await a reincarnation back into the world of the living. The light of the Silver Crystal is toxic to demons. The more powerful the demon, the greater the torture. Metalia has been vanquished, but the magic is causing the lessor demon Jadeite so much agony he is teetering on the brink of life and death."

"Oh, no," Sailor Moon lowered the Moon Stick out of simple compassion. She hated to see anyone suffer needlessly, even a sworn enemy like Jadeite.

The orb did not dim. Instead it grew brighter.

"REFRESH!" Jadeite screamed and collapsed in a faint onto the ice. Sailor Moon and the others collapsed as well, from illness and exhaustion. They had survived, but the Silver Crystal had taken a brutal toll. Their hearts were at the brink of failing, powered only by pure adrenaline.

"Thank you… everyone…" Sailor Moon smiled weakly as she stared up at the sky. Then their hearts gave out, all at the same time, and they sank into oblivion.

Nobody but Luna saw the globe of purple light swell to flood the entrance to the Dark Kingdom, and also completely engulf the senshi, healing their bodies and restoring their lifeforce.

Even then, nobody woke, so nobody saw a ring of purple light continue to swell and expand even further, until it became a gigantic moving wall of crackling pink and white energy washing over everything in its path until it formed a dome over the Arctic that was visible from space.

Luna saw, but she couldn't even begin to understand the trouble it would create.


	15. Chapter 15

Kunzite walked in stonefaced silence, dragging Zoisite along until the smaller man managed to pull his arm free.

"Alright. What's wrong with you now?"

Kunzite glowered. "I had a plan. It was working. I'd tricked Sailor Moon into allowing Tuxedo Mask to behead her. And then you decided to interfere. "

"So?"

"So, the whole reason we had to leave Metalia's service is because you threw a fit when Jadeite and Endymion did the exact same thing."

"It wasn't the same thing at all."

"How was it not the same thing? We almost had the Silver Crystal. It was about to drop from out of her cold, dead hand into a pool of her own blood. In the resulting hysteria, the others would have left just left it there. Even if one or more of them had an ounce of sense and grabbed it before I could, none of them know how to use it. We had it, then you decided you'd rather let Sailor Moon keep it."

Zoisite shrugged. "And why not? The only reason I wanted the Silver Crystal was to get Endymion and Metalia off my back. If Sailor Moon is willing to do all the heavy lifting for me, all the better."

Kunzite stared at the icy plain ahead of them. "You do realize that as long as Sailor Moon has the Silver Crystal, she can use it to destroy us?"

"Why would she want to destroy us?"

"Because we're thoroughly and unashamedly evil, for a start. Which you've demonstrated for her time and time again."

"Yeah, well unlike you, I know this girl. She doesn't hold grudges. Besides, I was just doing my job."

"Were you just doing your job when you laughed and robbed Nephrite? In the middle of having him gruesomely murdered right in front of Sailor Moon and her little friends?"

Zoisite waved his hand. "That's all water under the bridge as far as she's concerned. Sailor Moon is kindhearted to a fault. As long as we don't give her a reason to come after us, she'll leave us alone."

Kunzite snarled. "Except this means we can never give her a reason to come after us."

Zoisite looked at him. "Beryl is dead. Why would we want to give her a reason to come after us?"

Kunzite stared at him with his brows raised. "Sometime I question whether you're a lesser demon at all, or just an exceptionally long-haired baby orangutan that someone managed to shave down."

Zoisite crossed his arms and looked away. "That's mean."

"You really think it's a good idea to leave the strongest known artifact in the universe in the hands of some giddy schoolgirl?"

"Better her than someone who isn't as forgiving."

Kunzite smirked. "Since you like these senshi so much why don't you join them? You already have the uniform."

"Oh, go to hell!"

They walked in silence across the snowy ground.

"If we take the Silver Crystal we could live forever and rule the world."

Zoisite laughed "You really think you could rule the world? I can't even get you out bed before two o'clock in the afternoon."

"And just what are you insinuating?"

"I'm not insinuating anything. I'm stating outright that you're a lazy, spoiled, insensitive, good for nothing bastard."

The two men stared at each other in rage before looking forward.

"So that's the way you feel about me?" Kunzite asked.

"Why not? It's the absolute truth."

"In that case, it's over between us. In this lifetime and forever after."

Zoisite's jaw dropped. "Excuse me? Where have you been? I already broke up with you almost a week ago!"

"Yes, but I actually mean it."

Zoisite glared at him for several seconds before he looked away with his arms crossed. "No you don't." He looked behind them, the side of his face oddly illuminated. "What is that?"

Kunzite looked over his shoulder and did a double take. Directly behind them was a rapidly advancing wall of energy that glowed white and hot pink. Zoisite was too minor of a demon to remember his past lives. He didn't recognize the source of this energy. Kunzite knew what it was exactly.

"Ginzuishou," Kunzite said, his breath slow with terror. "Get down!"

"What?" Zoisite still not understand.

"GET DOWN," Kunzite shouted, but there was no time. He grabbed the younger man, and wrapped his arms around him, and tucked his chin over his head to shield him with his body.

The initial wave of impact sent them sprawling. Kunzite landed less than a foot from the wall of energy, Zoisite a few feet beyond him. Still the wall advanced.

Kunzite knew he should grab Zoisite and teleport to safety, but the burst had hit like a truck. He couldn't do much more than just lie there as the wall advanced to engulf his foot. Then it slid up his legs. Everywhere it had touched felt like he was being boiling alive. The pain was more than any living thing could bear. He looked at Zoisite who was lying bellydown in the snow, staring at Kunzite with eyes huge with horror.

"Don't just lie there!" Kunzite screamed. "RUN!"

Instead Zoisite stretched his arm toward Kunzite. Kunzite tried to grasp Zoisite's hand but it was too far away. His fingers touched only snow as the curtain of light crept up his neck to his head and the whole world went white.

Kunzite rose to his feet."ZOISITE!" To his surprise he found he could stand. The pain was still as terrible, every nerve stung through with a burning needle. The only thing that made it tolerable was that horrible certainty that Zoisite was suffering the same or worse. Zoisite had always been so delicate.

"ZOISITE!" Kunzite couldn't see. The light was everywhere, too bright and all-encompassing to leave so much as a shadow. Kunzite staggered in circles, slowly so as not to trample, screaming out the other man's name. Gradually, the light dimmed enough that he could make out a face directly in front of him.

At first he thought it was Zoisite, and almost sagged with relief. Instead, he was looking at a woman. A gowned woman with blue eyes and wings like an angel. This woman looked very much like Sailor Moon, even down the the pigtails. Then the light faded some more and he realized this woman was older, more mature than Sailor Moon. On top of that she was an albino.

"Queen Serenity," Kunzite said with disgust.

"Kunzite," Queen Serenity said with a gentle voice and held out her hands. "I am here to offer you salvation. You were a good man once. You can be so again. Call out 'refresh' and end this madness."

Kunzite shoved her aside. "Get out of my way, woman. I need to find Zoisite."

"Don't you think you've caused him enough harm already?" the woman said, not so gently this time.

"Go away, or else help me find him. He's suffering, and he's alone."

Her gentle tone returned. "You won't find him. He's not suffering. He is at peace."

Kunzite stared at her, horrorstruck. Queen Serenity's words could mean only one of two things.

Zoisite was dead – which would be bad.

Zoisite was cleansed - which would be catastrophic.

If he were merely dead, they could be reunited in the afterworld.

With his essence cleansed, and without Metalia to warp him back into a demon, Zoisite would remain a mortal. As a human, he would grow old and die. Then his soul would depart to a heaven or a hell that Kunzite wouldn't be allowed to enter. They could spend another seventy years together, max, but those seventy years would pass in a blink of an eye.

Kunzite's pain at this thought made the pain in his body seem like nothing at all. "Y-you're lying."

"Am I?" Queen Serenity asked, fading with the last of the unnatural light. "Take a look around you."

Kunzite looked around. All he saw was ice and snow for as far as the eye could see. There were two sets of footprints, side by side, and a depression in the snow where Zoisite landed. But no trace of Zoisite himself. Kunzite trembled.

Zoisite had died. Died as a demon and faded to dust. It was not as bad as the alternative. It just meant Zoisite would return to the demon limbos, where he had always waited for Kunzite to join him.

Only this time Zoisite wouldn't wait for Kunzite to join him.

Kunzite heard his own words echo on the desolate winds. _It's over between us. In this lifetime and forever after._

"I didn't mean it!" he shouted. For the first time in thousands of years, Kunzite allowed tears to fall from his eyes. "I didn't mean it!"

_ Kunzite?_

Kunzite looked around. "Zoisite?" That was Zoisite's voice. But the younger man was nowhere to be seen.

Something shook him.

_Kunzite, wake up. You're having a nightmare._

Kunzite breathed with relief. So the whole thing had been a dream after all. Sailor Moon didn't have the Silver Crystal. He'd be back in his bed in the Dark Kingdom, with Zoisite at his side, and Queen Beryl on the throne. She'd be annoyed with Zoisite, but not annoyed enough to kill.

But when he opened his eyes he was lying in the snow, with his head in Zoisite's lap and the younger man looking down at him with a look of concern. He turned his head. The glowing curtain of light had passed beyond them and swept off into the distance. So it hadn't been a dream after all. Sailor Moon had used the Silver Crystal. They'd survived, but he'd passed out from the pain.

"Zoisite?" Warm feelings poured from his heart. He was too overcome with emotion to ask if he'd been talking in his sleep. His face was as dry as always. At least he hadn't wept. It didn't matter. He wanted to embrace Zoisite. To hold him and never let go, but he was still too weak to rise, so he couldn't do more than brush the younger man's cheek with his hand before his arm fell from the effort.

The concern left Zoisite's face and he smiled a peaceful smile.

Then Kunzite came to the sobering realization that Zoisite hadn't been too weak to rise. He didn't look weakened at all.

Kunzite sat up, his strength recharged by shock, and stared into Zoisite's eyes. Something changed. Kunzite couldn't put his finger on it, but Zoisite's flawless face looked younger, and more androgynously beautiful, if such a thing were possible. He looked calmer and happier than Kunzite had seen him in a long time.

Zoisite's smile flickered away in response to Kunzite's actions, then reappeared more serene than before. He raised Kunzite's hand back to his cheek and nuzzled it.

"Notice anything different about me?"


	16. Chapter 16

Kunzite pulled his hand away in fear. He hope for a pout, a snide comment, a tantrum. Anything to indicate that this was still his Zoisite, and his Zoisite still had a pitch black soul.

Instead Zoisite looked at him with big innocent eyes, full of concern. "Kunzite? What's wrong?"

Kunzite could barely get the words out. "Y-you let her change you."

"I let who change me?"

"Queen Serenity!"

Zoisite blinked. "I don't know what you're talking about. I think you should lie down and rest for a while. That weird light stuff seemed to have messed you up pretty badly."

Kunzite grabbed his arms. "That weird light stuff. When it passed over you, did it change you?"

"Of course it did," Zoisite giggled. "Not that I'm complaining."

Kunzite squeezed his arms. "And you let it happen?"

"It wasn't a matter of letting it happen. It just happened."

"It just happened," Kunzite echoed bitterly.

Zoisite nodded. "A bright light washed over me. It hurt, but I was more worried about you since I could hear you screaming. Then it was over, and I was completely patched up, as good as new."

Zoiste smiled.

Kunzite released him and had to look away. Damn that Serenity, she didn't even give him a choice. No doubt to punish Kunzite for the multitude of atrocities he'd committed over the ages. Atrocities he'd lost count of even before his first lifetime ended. It earned him (and by extension, Zoisite) a special place in hell. Clearly, she'd finally figured out that sending Kunzite and Zoisite to be together in the deepest depths of hell was like sending a teenage boy to his room with a stack of risque magazines and a game console.

Unless...this was all just a horrible misunderstanding.

"Please tell me that by 'patched up' you mean you've 'gotten your powers back'."

Zoisite sighed. "Alas, no. If anything I'm even weaker than before. I tried but I can't summon even the faintest spark of dark energy right now."

Kinzite winced. "Oh, Zoisite, don't you realize what's happened to you?"

Zoisite couldn't stop smiling. "Of course I know what's happened to me! I was healed by the light! I can't see the difference, but I can feel it. Isn't it wonderful?"

Kunzite didn't answer. He just turned and walked away. He heard Zoisite following him so he walked faster. He could feel a psychotic rage building up, so had to get away from Zoisite before he killed him without meaning to.

"Wait. Where are you going?"

"Please, just leave me alone. I can't deal with this right now."

"I don't understand, you're acting as if you liked me better the way I was before."

"Of course I liked you better the way you were before."

Zoisite was starting to sound scared. "You're joking. Aren't you?"

Kunzite shook his head. And kept walking.

"How could anyone like me better the way I was before? I was a repulsive monster. Uglier than half the youma, and that's saying something."

"No you weren't. You were perfect. Just as you were." Until Queen Serenity took his soul away.

Fine, if she wanted to destroy something of Kunzite's, Kunzite would destroy something of hers.

"Where are you going?" Zoisite repeated.

"I'm going to kill Sailor Moon once and for all."

Kunzite could hear Zoisite running after him so he turned and gave him a warning look. Zoisite came to an abrupt halt and Kunzite kept walking.

"Kunzite. This is foolish. She still has the Silver Crystal. Get back here before you do something stupid."

Kunzite sighed. "I need to do this."

"No, you need to lie down and rest until you're thinking clearly."

"Please, for your own safety, just stay away and let me do this."

"I don't understand what you're getting so worked up about. It was just a scar."

Kunzite stopped and turned on his heels and studied Zoisite's face.

Sure enough, his delicate skin was completely unmarred.

"You mean to tell me all this fuss is over that damned scar of yours?"

"You're the one making the big fuss about it."

"So you didn't call out refresh and become human?"

"Ew. Of course not. That's gross."

Zoisite saw him staring and brushed his cheek with his hand. "What's wrong? Can you still see it?"

"No, not at all," Kunzite said. His voice broke a little at the end.

Zoisite rolled his eyes. "If it's really that big of a deal to you, I'll let you give me another one just like it."

Kunzite charged at Zoisite and grabbed him in an embrace that lifted him off the ground and spun him around.

"Don't scare me like that! I thought you'd been cleansed!"

"So let's get this straight once and for all: You DO think I look better without the scar?"

"I never paid any attention to the damn thing." Kunzite squeezed him tight. "Who cares if you have a thousand scars? I didn't even realize it was gone until you pointed it out to me."

"Kunzite. You're crushing me."

"Good. You deserve it."

He didn't release him, not even after he heard the crunch of approaching footsteps through the snow and the others arrived out of the haze.

"Ah, that's so cute," Sailor Mars said in a snide voice. "It looks like someone is going to have to turn in his boss-level badass supervillian card."

"Kunzite isn't lame enough to need any as stupid as a boss-level badass supervillian card," Zoisite said as Kunzite set him down. "What is it you want?"

"We're here to return something that belongs to you,"Sailor Jupiter said and pushed a cute woman with a short blond bob, shivering and wrapped in Tuxedo Mask's cape like a parka.

The two demon raised their eyebrows. "Jadeite?" they said simultaneously.

"It's just Jade now," Sailor Venus said.

"What happened to him?" Kunzite asked.

"I don't want to talk about it," the blonde said, on the verge of tears.

Zoisite clapped the Jadeite on the shoulder. "Don't worry, I'm still the pretty one."

"He's turned into a human woman and he's a bit fragile right now," Tuxedo Mask said without a trace of humor. "We figured we'd drop him off with the two of you for safe keeping before we head off to Tokyo."

Kunzite and Zoisite looked at each other and shook their heads.

"Sorry, but the Dark Kingdom is no place for a human," Kunzite said. "The youma will eat Jadeite alive within ten minutes."

Zoiste nodded, "He's not speaking figuratively."

"He's all yours now," Kunzite said.

"We don't want him!" Sailor Moon said.

"That's a pity," Zoisite said and they started walking.

The group of senshi followed along as they walked back home.

"Wait, what are we supposed to do with her?" Sailor Venus asked.

"Him," Jadeite said.

"Him, It, Whatever," Sailor Jupiter said. "We can't have Jadeite running around loose in Tokyo."

"But if we turn him over to the police they will never believe us," Sailor Mercury added.

Zoisite shrugged. "Not our problem, unless he wants to become Youma Chow."

"We can't just leave him here," Sailor Moon said. "He'll freeze to death."

"I fail to see a downside to that," Sailor Jupiter said and the others nodded.

"Gee thanks, you merry band of magically enhanced harpies," Jadeite said through chattering teeth. "You think it's funny, me being the only ordinary human here and freezing my butt off at the North Pole in just a uniform and a cape?"

"At least you have boots on," Sailor Venus said. "Trying walking through the snow in high heels."

"Try walking through the snow in high heels with no straps." Sailor Mars scoffed, then stopped walking and snapped her fingers. "I've got it. He can come live with me! That way we can keep an eye on him."

"That's awfully sweet and generous of you, Sailor Mars." Tuxedo Mask said.

Sailor Mars chuckled. "Not at all, there is plenty of room, and Grandpa is always on the lookout for new shrine maidens. Especially ones with prior experience," she said with a wink. "In fact I think we still have some of Jadeite's things from the last time he was there."

Jadeite suddenly remembered who Sailor Mars's alter ego was and shrank back in horror. "Oh, no! I'm not going back there! That old pervert couldn't even keep his hands to himself when I looked like a guy!"

Sailor Mars slapped him on the back so hard he stumbled forward. "Oh, come on. Where's your sense of adventure?"

Sailor Jupiter rubbed her hands together. "This will be great."

Sailor Moon nodded. "Yeah, he can take over a lot of the domestic duties, so that you and Yuichiro can go on plenty of romantic dates in the city."

Sailor Mars grinned at Jadeite. "Yep, and if we hurry home, you'll be just in time to give grandpa his weekly bath."

"No, no, no!" Jadeite screamed. "I'd rather be fed to the youma."

As the cave that marked the entrance to the Dark Kingdom came into view, Sailor Jupiter sighed dramatically. "Well, I guess this is it. Time for us all to say goodbye to our two demonic lovebirds."

"Ex-lovebirds," Zoisite said.

"For real?" Sailor Moon turned red with anger. "After everything we've just been through, you two are still bickering like an old married couple? Oh, just stop being stubborn and get back together already!"

"Yeah," the other senshi said in a chorus.

Zoiste sighed. "Very well," he stood in front of Kunzite. "Give me one good reason why we should get back together."

Kunzite said nothing.

Zoisite stared at Kunzite. "All I need is one. One good reason."

Kunzite said nothing.

"One good reason and we'll get back together."

Kunzite said nothing.

"It doesn't have to be anything elaborate." Zoisite looked into his eyes. "Just three little words would do."

Kunzite said nothing.

For a while they just stood there in silence, until Kunzite looked away. "Zoisite, if you really can't think of a good reason on your own, I guess we are better off apart, after all."

"That's what I thought. Can I have my scepter back?"

Sailor Moon pulled her pigtails and screamed. "Oh, for godsakes! This is silly! Everyone with eyes can see the two of you are madly in love with one another!"

Kunzite conjured Beryl's sceptre from hammerspace and handed it to Zoisite without saying a word.

"Thank you," Zoisite said with icy formality and walked to the cave.

Sailor Mars called out to him. "Have fun being all alone, you spoiled brat."

Zoisite stopped only a few feet into the interior of the cave, and turned around. His face filled with sadness.

"What do you know. You're fifteen. Just wait until you're married to someone who doesn't love you, and isn't above using you in really awful ways to impress the other woman, and then we can talk about who's the spoiled brat."

And with that a sheer force field of dark energy barred the entrance directly in front of him.

"Oh don't be so melodramatic," Kunzite said. "I can take a hint."

Zoisite blinked behind the barrier. "Wait, you mean you didn't do this?"

Kunzite shook his head. "I thought you did."

Zoisite cupped his palms in front of himself and focus his gaze on them, but nothing happened. Then they both looked at Jadeite.

Jadeite shivered and pointed at himself with both girl-sized thumbs. "Plain human now. Remember?"

"It couldn't have been me," Zoisite said. "I don't have any dark energy stored up."

Jadeite nodded. "Only a high demon could summon that sort of energy, and we're the only three demons here. It had to be you, Kunzite."

"It wasn't."

"Well, who else could it have been?" Zoisite asked.

On cue a tall zigzagging shadow flashed behind Zoisite in the shape of a seven foot tall woman holding a cutlass. As she came into focus, she yanked his head back by the ponytail and brought the blade of the cutlass under his chin.

"Surprise," Queen Beryl said.


	17. Chapter 17

"I'll take that," Beryl said as she grabbed the scepter from Zoisite's hand.

"Queen Beryl-sama," Kunzite and Jadeite said in the same reverent tone and dropped to a bow in perfect synchronicity.

Tuxedo Mask took a step backward and clutched Sailor Moon's arm. "Don't let her take me alive," he whispered.

"Don't worry," Beryl said, having overheard the comment with her supernatural hearing. "It's not you that I'm after. Hand over the Silver Crystal!"

"How is it possible you're here?" Sailor Venus asked. "Kunzite told us you were dead."

"Kunzite told you she was dead?" Jadeite and Tuxedo Mask said in confusion.

"It's a long story," Zoisite said.

"Silence," Queen Beryl commanded. "I was never dead. Not for the past ten thousand years. The first time I was reborn, I asked Metalia to make me immortal."

"But I saw you turn into a pillar of charcoal," Zoisite said.

"Yes, but I was a living pillar of charcoal!"

Ami looked up from her computer. "She may have been immortal before, but she certainly is not immortal now."

"I drew my lifeforce directly from Metalia. When she died, my life resumed its normal span. But not before the Silver Crystal restored me to full health. Well, not exactly full health." She gave Zoisite's ponytail a yank that made him cry out. "Do you have any idea how difficult it is to reattach your own fingers?"

"Sorry about that," Zoisite said. "If I knew you were immortal, I would have kicked you into little pieces."

Queen Beryl snarled. "I saw what you did to my room. It's not bad, but it will look a lot better once I have your blood and guts spattered all over the place."

"Kunzite, do something," Sailor Moon said in a frantic stage whisper.

Kunzite looked up. "Why?"

"Don't you care?"

He shrugged. "I'd care a lot more if he hadn't dumped me. As far as I'm concerned, if I can't have him, no one can."

Jadeite rose from the snow, his teeth chattering. "I never betrayed the Dark Kingdom, my queen! I defended it up to the end! It was all Zoisite!"

"Oh shut up, you snitch," Zoisite said.

"Jadeite, is that you?" Beryl asked with a hint of amusement.

Jadeite pointed at Zoisite. "He'd created an illusion of you to trick us and he brainwashed Kunzite into letting the senshi destroy Metalia."

"Brainwashed indeed," Queen Beryl forced a laugh. "Kunzite? Be so kind as to explain why you didn't stop Sailor Moon from destroying Metalia."

"Gladly. I thought you were dead, My Queen, so I simply did the same thing you would have done in my place. We have the Silver Crystal now. Metalia had already outlived her usefulness." He smirked. "Why should we serve, when we were born to rule?"

Queen Beryl smiled. "This is all very true, but I still don't believe you. I think you'd tell me any lie you can to keep me from killing Zoisite."

"What makes you think I don't want you to kill him?"

"Oh?" Beryl asked Kunzite.

"I thought you were dead before. This changes everything."

Zoisite sighed. "Show of hands, who saw that coming?" Zoisite raised his hand.

Beryl laughed. "Oh please, I'm not stupid. I know what you two get up to when you think I'm not watching."

"It's only because he was the second prettiest thing in the Dark Kingdom, and he knows it. Lately he's been more trouble than he's worth. He knew I would never choose him over you and it made him insane with jealousy. Now that you're back, and we have the Silver Crystal, we don't have to put with him anymore."

Beryl sneered. "This is a trick. You just want me to lower the force field so you can rescue your pet weasel."

"When have I ever put my personal feelings before my duty to the Dark Kingdom?"

"So if I slit his throat right now, you wouldn't do anything about it?"

"Who am I to challenge the will of my queen?"

Sailor Moon shrieked as Beryl pretended to slash Zoisite's throat but Kunzite didn't even flinch.

"This isn't right," Sailor Moon said weakly. "You love each other. I know you do."

Kunzite shrugged. "You heard her. He's a pet. Pets die all the time. You mourn for a while, then get another one that looks just like it."

Sailor Moon gasped. "Unforgivable. Completely unforgivable."

"Enough of this!" Beryl tightened her grip on the blade. "Hand over the Silver Crystal or I cut his head off."

Zoisite tried not to laugh, but failed, and burst into a fit of insane giggles.

"What are you laughing about, you loon?" Beryl asked.

"Oh, my goodness, do you think there is even one person here who cares if I die? Sailor Moon wouldn't spit on me if I were on fire. She's certainly not going to trade the most powerful artifact in the universe for me. In fact, I'm surprised the senshi are still here."

"He's right. Let's go." Sailor Mars took Jadeite by the arm and walked him over to the dark portal.

Sailor Venus and Sailor Jupiter followed behind her. Sailor Mercury looked back and forth from them to Sailor Moon and Tuxedo Mask, who hadn't budged. She took a few steps toward the portal but stopped when she saw they weren't going anywhere. She looked from group to group, not sure which to follow.

"Go, on. Shoo," Zoisite said to the stragglers.

"No way," Sailor Moon said. "I'm the pretty sailor who fights for love and justice and this isn't love or justice."

Zoisite gaped at her. "You have got to be kidding. Endymion, talk some sense into your girlfriend."

"Why should I let Beryl hurt you?" Tuxedo Mask asked. "You didn't let Beryl hurt me."

Sailor Moon looked at him quizzically.

"Beryl tampered with my brain and made me want to do all sorts of unspeakable things with her. I shudder to think what would have happened if Zoisite hadn't possessed her in order to protect my chastity."

"Hey, I was protecting my own chastity!"

"You could have had me killed. Or locked me up in chains. Instead you wanted Sailor Moon to heal me. I repaid you by telling Metalia."

"That does it!" Sailor Moon said. "I'm definitely not leaving if he stopped Queen Beryl from skanking up my Mamo-chan!"

"Hey, don't make me out to be some sort of hero. How many times do I have to stab you in the back with an icicle before you realize I never have your best interest at heart?"

"Not even when you stopped us from killing each other?" Tuxedo Mask placed his hand on Sailor Moon's shoulder.

"Yeah, well…uh…that was a fluke."

"Forget it, we're not leaving," Sailor Moon said.

Zoisite sighed. "You two are even stupider than I thought. Everything I've ever done, I've done for my own selfish purposes."

"If we abandon you to your fate, that would make us less noble than you are," Sailor Moon said.

"And you are really awful," Tuxedo Mask said.

"Oh, no. Right now you can walk away with a clean conscience," Zoisite said.

"How do you figure?" Tuxedo Mask asked.

"Because I actually want to die."

He sounded so heartbroken that the other senshi turned and looked at him with pity. Even Jadeite looked down at his boots. The only person who seemed unaffected was Kunzite.

Zoisite took note of it and sighed again. "Beryl's back. If she wins, I'm done for anyway. Even if she decides to spare me, I can't live in a world where she keeps trying to kill me, while Kunzite just stands there and does nothing about it."

The other senshi returned and grudging took their places at Sailor Moon's side.

"So what do we do now?" Sailor Venus asked.

"You place the Silver Crystal on the ground and then you take three steps backward," Queen Beryl said.

"I won't do that," Sailor Moon said.

"There's nothing else you can do," Beryl said.

Sailor Moon struck a pose. "I'll use the Silver Crystal on you."

"Um, I really don't think we'd survive that," Sailor Jupiter said.

"She's right," Sailor Mercury said, looking up from her computer. "The power needed to take down her shield is too great. Our only saving grace is that Beryl's shield will also block her own attacks. As long as she has that up, we are at a stalemate."

"Enough! I'm not playing around," Beryl said, pulling back Zoisite's forehead and slashing across Zoisite's throat just deep enough to draw blood. "Drop the crystal and back away within ten seconds or the next cut will be deeper."

"Don't do it," Zoisite said. "Let her kill me."

Sailor Moon chewed her nails. "Oh, no. What do we do?"

"I have an idea," Kunzite said. "But you're not going to like it."

"Oh?" Sailor Moon said.

Kunzite smiled and held out his hand. "Give me the Silver Crystal."

"No way," Sailor Moon hid the Moon Stick behind her back. "You're just as bad as she is."

"Yes, but she's on the other side of the barrier, and I'm not."

Before the senshi could comprehend his meaning, he added. "Here, let me make this easy for you."

The senshi screamed as lightning fast vines broke through the ice to wrap around them and pin their arms. Sailor Moon had just enough time to bring the Moon Stick forward before she was immobilized.

"I'll take that," Kunzite said and snapped the Silver Crystal off the Moon Stick.

He held it up to the light to admire its facets. "Sorry girls, but this time, the bad guys win."

"Give me that!" Beryl screamed.

"Whoever owns this can become the most powerful being in the universe." Kunzite tossed the gem in his palm. "Since you obviously don't trust me, I guess I'd better keep it for myself."

Beryl lowered the sword. "No wait! I'll trade him for the crystal."

"No need. We've already agreed it's over."

Beryl placed the sword against Zoisite's throat again. "Then what is it you want?"

"An apology, for a start."

"Fine! I'm sorry!"

"That didn't sound very sincere," Kunzite said. "Since when have I ever gone against you, or given you cause to doubt my loyalty?"

Beryl sighed. "You're right. I'm sorry."

"Much better. Condition two. No more kow-towing. We rule as equals."

Beryl sneered. "But we're not equals. Even without Metallia's influence I'm twice as powerful as you are."

Kunzite palmed the Silver Crystal. "I guess I'd better hold onto this, then."

"Fine! We rule as equals!"

"Condition number three-"

"Oh I can't wait to hear this one," Beryl said sarcastically.

"When you spatter Zoisite's blood and guts all over the place, I get to watch."

"Hey!" Zoisite said.

"Gladly," Queen Beryl said with a smile.

"So do we have a deal?" Kunzite asked.

"We have a deal."

No sooner had she dropped the shield than a boomerang made of dark energy flew at her and impaled itself deep in her wrist. She screamed as she dropped the sword. Zoisite ducked under her arm and ran. She reached for him, but he vanished and reappeared behind Kunzite's cape. A sphere of dark energy surrounded them both and the vines retracted from the senshi.

"You really shouldn't have cut him," Kunzite said. "Before that I was prepared to go easy on you."

"You fool," Beryl said, pulling the blade from her arm and healing the wound with her dark magic. "Do you think you've tricked me? I've known what you've wanted from the start." She grinned to reveal her fangs. "What you don't realize is I've been slowly siphoning away everyone's energy and have fortified myself against your attacks. I forgot about your blades, and that was careless, but try it again and you'll discover what a quick learner I am."

A shimmering vortex appeared before Beryl. "Now that you've betrayed yourself I can drain away your energy in earnest."

Kunzite smirked. "Need I remind you I still have the Silver Crystal?"

Beryl pointed her orb at him. "Good luck using it. Dark Magic and Light Magic don't mix. You'd have to take down your shield to even make an attempt, and then how long do you think you two traitors will survive?"

Kunzite's smirk vanished.

"You should have teleported away with him when you had the chance, but I knew you'd stay behind to gloat. And now your pride and vanity have doomed you all."

Jadeite cheered. "Go, Beryl! Kill all these floozies!"

Kunzite trembled as the sphere around him flickered and weakened. Beryl saw that and laughed. "Don't try to lie your way out of this one. There is nothing left for you traitors to do but die. Such is the price of betraying your oaths to your queen of the Dark Kingd-"

The speech was cut off with a scream as a spinning disc of metal sliced through her midsection like a hot knife through butter. The orb clattered to the ground as she blew apart into a cloud of shimmering dust even before she could fall.

The spinning disc changed course and floated to Sailor Moon where it hovered and slowed until everyone could see it was a tiara. She took it and replaced it in her hair.

"Sorry if I stole your thunder, Kunzite, but if anyone was going to kill Beryl, it had to be me." She walked over to him and held out her palm. "My crystal, if you please."

Kunzite made a face, then looked at Zoisite, who nodded.

He grudgingly gave her the crystal."You owe me for this."

"Understood," she said and replaced the crystal on the Moon Stick as she returned to her friends.

"What did I hear you call us?" Sailor Venus said to Jadeite.

"Nothing," Jadeite said.

"It sounded like you called us floozies," Sailor Jupiter said.

Sailor Mars nodded. "Those are pretty bold words coming from my grandfather's new handmaiden."

Jadeite looked at Kunzite with pleading eyes. "Please let me stay."

"Out of the question," Kunzite said.

"You're lucky she didn't take you at your word, Kunzite," Sailor Venus snickered. "If she'd killed Zoisite, you would have felt pretty bad."

"She wasn't going to kill him," Kunzite said. "He was the only thing she had that was keeping us from leaving with the crystal. She had to keep him alive until she was absolutely certain she had it." He looked down at Zoisite who had his face against his chest and was clinging to him like a barnacle. "What do you think you're doing?"

Zoisite looked up at him with adoring eyes. "The whole reason I was angry at you was because I thought you liked Beryl better than me."

"And now that I've proven otherwise, you think everything will automatically go back to the way it was before?"

"Won't it?"

Kunzite shook his head.

Zoisite released him and walked away. "I understand."

"No, I don't think you do."

Kunzite turned him around and looked into his eyes.

"I love you. I've always loved you. I fell in love with you the day we met, and I fall a little more in love with you every day. The only reason I couldn't vocalize my feelings is because I didn't want anyone to know how easy it would be to destroy me. But I shouldn't have bothered, since it seems everyone already knows it. Everyone, that is, but you."

"Kunzite." Zoisite said.

"Zoisite," Kunzite said and they kissed deeply.

Tuxedo Mask cleared his throat.

They broke it off to see him regarding them with a look of disapproval and disgust while the senshi stared, wide eyed, with their mouths hanging open.

"Oh, right. Humans," Zoisite said, and they stood apart.

"What were you thinking?" Tuxedo Mask said. "These girls aren't even in highschool yet. There is no way they should be exposed to that level of homosexual activity."

"Hey, speak for yourself," Sailor Moon said. "Bring on the yaoi!"

THE END


End file.
